and i scratched these words into a black notebook…
last straw, jack’s mannequin
The day I turned twenty-two, I wrote a post including the lyrics to Twenty Two by Millencolin.
There are so many unexpected ironies included in those lyrics with what was to come—foreshadowing.
i’m one year older now since the last time I saw you in case you wanna know, i’m about to say what i’m up to.first of all i’m a sluggard, moving slow in a clumsy waysome peace of mind is what i want, but that will be the day.i’ve been going without fault for so long, and this must endrunning round in circles, i’ve been so far from myselfsearching for the energy, and the time to make a changeto make a change in my life, instead of watching it pass bydo something now while i’m alivei’m twenty-two, don’t know what i’m supposed to door how to be, to get some more out of mei’m twenty-two, so far away from all my dreamsi’m twenty-two, twenty-two–feeling blue[…]afraid that i will be weak foreveri can’t stay in this shape any longermy life’s just another clichetwenty-two, millencolin
As I did of 2013 when 2014 started, I refuse to recap my twenty-second year: It was important, it changed me, but that change did not occur through circumstances I chose. It was important to me—it still is important to me—to share those stories, to be transparent, for a variety of reasons. Among the most important, though, can be summarized concisely in my friend Jay’s words: “We cannot control our circumstances, only our responses to them”.
i’m keeping quiet until the phone stops ringing lately it’s hard to disconnect, i just want something real i’ll find my words if i can just stop thinking the room is spinning, i have got no choice be patient, i am getting to the point…
spinning, jack’s mannequin
I grew, I came out on top with a few more scars inside me.
you watched that poor girl waste the best years of her life and i’ll be damned if i am going out i will not go out that way.last straw, jack’s mannequin.
I’m alive and determined to make this count.
i can’t remember when the earth turned slowly so i just waited with the lights turned out again i lost my place, but i can’t stop this story
Tomorrow, I turn twenty-three.
i keep forgetting when the earth turned slowly so i just waited till the lights come on again i lost my place but i can’t stop this story i found my way, but until then i’m only spinningspinning, jack’s mannequin.