recap saturday: moments from this week [07/31]

Doing a Recap Saturday is kind of weird as I am a Monday-to-Sunday week type of girl, in rebellion from the calendar (it pleases me that a Monday-to-Sunday week is an option in the Calendars 5 app), but hey, whatever. 
Also my laptop is at 10% and my charger is at home so that is not conducive to getting any blog posts up on time. Whoops.

Here are some pictures and stories from my week, most of which have nothing to do with ADHD (and also probably everything to do with ADHD?)

Sunday – October 1st.

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I love Fall. The cabin in the Fall is even lovelier than both Fall and the cabin normally are.

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The spare tire for the trailer makes a good cup holder for day-old Starbucks, apparently.

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And then as we were just packing up to go home, it began to rain. So, good timing minus the fact that I stood in the rain awhile before I gave up and got in the car as my mom and aunt were trying to fix the shed door. 

Monday, October 2.

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I made a cardboard aquarium for the kids at work today. Except only the 3 year old was interested at all—as usual! I commented to the kids mom that I was sure I’d randomly find a tube of glitter in my pocket later in the day. Sure enough, it was during a Government Relations conference call… Yes, I am a professional clearly.

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Getting back in coaching mode, doing a free Coaches Week National Coaching Certification Program module. And, um, excuse me for wanting to make the Learning to Train phase for 8-12 year old kids fun.

Tuesday, October 3

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Went to my aunt and uncle’s for my uncle’s birthday. Or his birthday cake, as his birthday was Sunday. Almost two-year-old Mila was sharing toys with all of us. I got this beaver, which was appropriately Canadian.

Wednesday, October 4

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Remember that time I went for a flu shot and a Slurpee? Yeah, that day.

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And then my mom was not answering either of her phones and I had academic type questions, so I sent her tis meme of Mr. Y U NO.

Thursday, October 5

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I’ve been watching far too much Lockup, not gonna lie. As soon as Lockup: Disturbing the Peace was on Netflix binge watching ensued.

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C-Pen video? Check. Finally.

Friday, October 6

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When you accidentally take a photo instead of hitting the record button—and it’s not actually terrible.

Saturday, October 7

Fascinating things found at Safeway:

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And left unpurchased.

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This milk is very safe. And hard to open.

even stumbling is moving forward

I spent a good quarter of my time in university learning about how you shouldn’t make too many life changes at once. (I spent another quarter in anatomy or stressing out about anatomy, another quarter dropping classes possibly due to the unknown learning disability and ADHD, and the last quarter probably actually “focused”. This is not an accurate, nor mathematical, representation of university for me.) Yet, here I am, doing just that, because FULL SPEED AHEAD is the only way I know how to go.

So here I am. 13 days into logging with MyFitnessPal. That is nearly TWO WEEKS people, that’s an accomplishment.
I’ve opened up the Coach.Me app again last night and set up some goal in there—go for a walk twice a week, exercise three days a week, meditate daily, pray daily, and write a blog post [here] weekly (hi!). 

And today, I went for a walk. Just to the mailbox, to send a letter to my Member of Parliament. Have I mentioned I’ve gotten all politically engaged since we last spoke in depth? This is not actually a byproduct of that but still, could be why I was more interested in the Asthma Society’s Hill Day stuff in the end. Honestly, it’s a wonder to me that given the state of this world and our neighbours to the south, how the eff people can ignore this! I digress (but likely not forever, and would be happy to grab a [decaf] [not-]coffee with you and discuss. And also I am thinking about going back to school to do political science and no I don’t actually know what’s currently wrong with me.)

This is not significant. The walk, I mean. It was hot (27-feels-like-29 and heat and I are not friends—my lungs and my whole body) and slow and except whatever I GOT OUT THERE.

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Because here’s the thing. I have to start all over again. And so I am. I downloaded some bodyweight exercise app to my phone even. I’m LOOKING AT my Fitbit. Quantified self is one of those things that’s sort of engrained in my being one way or another so I need to USE that data. 

If a slow, 17 minute walk is all I get, guess what? It’s better than nothing.
If a three minute meditation before I go to sleep is all I do, guess what? I’ve started.
If prayer is a jumbled mess of words or a poem or “hey Jesus”? Yeah, my God knows where I’m at, even before I do.
If I don’t eat with any semblance of decency (or even if I’m closer than I usually am but still totally imperfect) but I am at least mindful of that, guess what? I’m one step closer.
If I start to write a blog post and I write “Listening to my body. Means. Going to sleep. Instead of writing.” and close my laptop, yes, I have figured something out. At least this time.
And if I admit all of this to you in a blog post? I’ve written the blog post. And hopefully, you’ll join me in stumbling towards those goals you think are too big, too hard, the things you think you’ll be imperfect at. Feel free to join me in the imperfection, learning the things they can’t teach in school.

Or at least watch along—because even stumbling is moving forward. 

hello, there. again.

It’s been months, literally months since I’ve written here. Probably because I’m writing other places on the internet. So here I am, wrapping up May after I haven’t written since January 30th. I have half written posts around on adventures since then, and words that have been published elsewhere (aka asthma.net). And some things that’ll never see the internet, shitty circumstances where I was somewhat stabbed in the back where I’d trusted someone and then had to clean up a mess they made–which was even more mentally time consuming than physically time consuming (if that’s even a way to explain time, in a physical sense). 

March, April, May even have involved airplanes and time invested and spent and wasted and given. 

I’ve gotten really sucked into podcasts which take more time than I realize–and I am smarter if not necessarily better for it. I’m thinking of going back to school and taking, no word of a lie, political science, even though prior to six or so months ago I had no interest in politics although I’ve been strong on voting since I could vote. At the start of May I was in Ottawa for World Asthma Day, in April, I was in Palo Alto to present at Stanford Medicine X | ED, and in March, I was in St Louis, Chicago, Washington DC, Philadelphia and Toronto on a whirlwind adventure that happened t settle around two conferences.  

Here are some (a lot, but only a sample) pictures.

Flickr Album Gallery Powered By: Weblizar

[Also I can’t figure out what I’m doing so to see the flickr album if it doesn’t load, click here.]

Not to say there wasn’t more.

There surely was.

But without writing everything down–whether here or in a journal–I’m living through Facebook and instagram and Twitter and a camera, and being in the moment, but maybe not translating that into reconstructable memories as readily. And maybe that’s okay but I think maybe I want that to change too. 

So here I am again.
Back.
Hopefully more intentionally. (Therapy.)

Because I’m getting closer–checking my Fitbit, logging nutrition with myfitnesspal (for five days now), and I actually rode the stationary bike the other day.
Now I’m writing.
Next is meditation.

Getting back to who I really am. And some (small bit of) routine.

alive:living

When you have

your pulse and blood pressure checked. A blood draw. An EKG. Eyedrops and eye pressure checked. Bright lights shined into your eyes…

You know you are alive.

When you have

a dog lick your hands out of nowhere and rest his head on your leg. A conversation over coffee. Poutine, no matter how bad it might be for you. 11,359 steps on the Fitbit and counting. Excited hugs and high fives from kids. Coloured your hands pink with food dye and laughed, then fingerpainted with coloured pudding at work with three boys. A run in on the bus with a friend you haven’t seen in forever and you both jump off a stop later to go for Subway, a trip to Bulk Barn, and continue on to Toys R Us and Dollarama and CATCH UP. A silicone Lego ice cube mold arrive in the mail as a late birthday present. A million messages flying around about the plans for tomorrow and next week…

You know you are living.
I know I am alive, even if a little scarred.

And I know I am living. Fully.

12 of 12 – february 2016

On the 12th of the month (for many many months), I try to take 12 pictures of my day and blog them. [Sometimes I forget to blog them.]

Here are my pictures for February 12, 2016.

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7:08 am – bedroom. Messy morning hair. Feeling like it’s an Addison Road t-shirt day.

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9:05 am – Starbucks. I really wanted an Earl Grey tea latte, which I had not desired in months/years, but Starbucks was out of Earl Grey. (I know… What?) This “Royal English Breakfast” tea latte is NOT the same. I went for brunch with Mindy after, and fortunately Stella’s could make me a London Fog.

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12:01 pm – Annex. Purrza… Persia?

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12:01 pm – Annex. Yes. Unicorn kitty (not Unikitty), eating pizza. Garbonzo’s, you never fail me.

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5:42 pm – kitchen. Quantified self-ing to get my priorities in-order. Optimized.

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7:30 pm – kitchen. Looking up recipes. [If you glance to that sugar-free tag in the URL, well, I’m still into sugar and not into fake-sugar. I do own Stevia however. And agave that I’ve never used.]

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8:42 pm – kitchen. Sometimes I try to draw stuff. This day, I tried to over-ambitiously draw a representation of the Farewell Fighter song I’ll Be Max, You Be The Monster. My drawing skills are lacking so it is far less rad than I wanted it to be.

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9:03 pm – kitchen. I drew an octopus, but got bored prior to colouring it.

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10:09 pm – kitchen. Here’s my computer background, the Manitoba Goalball logo I designed… yeah, all that non-tactile Braille and all. Still not sure my feelings on the pink with it, but too lazy to change it.

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10:39 pm – kitchen. Yeah, if you were wondering about that sugar free tag? I just made eggless single serve cookie dough. Because that’s reasonable. 

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11:40 pm – kitchen. I’ve got a minion living under my cereal dispenser. 

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11:55 pm – bathroom. I friggen love my Oral-B Bluetooth toothbrush. My mom however does not love that it creates a light show in the bathroom as it charges, so I have to cover the blinky lights with a cloth.