all i needed was a light in the darkest place

–light, the rocket summer.

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God and sinners reconciled.

–hark! the herald angels sing, charles wesley

Awaiting what is coming.

Unexpected.  Unknown.  Beautiful . . .  in spite of brokenness. In the midst of chaos.

Joy. Hope. Love.

A spark.

Light.

unspeakable joy

Happy birthday, Lord Jesus.  Today, I celebrate the birth of my King and my Saviour, I celebrate His continued life and healing.  I celebrate HOPE in a broken world, and I celebrate LOVE.

And no matter what your faith is, and no matter whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I hope you join in celebrating hope and love, and that celebration is refreshed–today and every day.

There is JOY in the air.

 

going and growing.

I have about a million and one thoughts flowing around in my brain, so bear with me!

What I lack in size, I hope I make up for in passion.

Maybe that kid was right–maybe I’m “too tiny to be twenty”. Sometimes I don’t feel twenty–I convince the kids of it daily, but sometimes I have a hard time convincing myself that I could possibly have a quarter of my life behind me already. Sometimes I think I should have more figured out. And sometimes I just feel small, whether that’s in a good way or a not so good way.

I just hope that I’m already making an impact for somebody out there that helps them grow.

I taught a grade eleven biology class about asthma today. It went well, but as always I forgot to say a few things I intended to. I’ve done this presentation several times and I tend to change it up at least a little every time based on what I’m feeling in regard to asthma and life. Today, to increase tangibility for NON-asthmatics I had a good section on exercise management beyond asthma and exercise. However, sometimes high schoolers are like talking to brick walls–I don’t blame em, I was (and am) totally not a speaking in class person. Overall, I hope the three students with asthma are maybe thinking a little differently about health management and asthma, and the 25 others are a little more aware of what people with asthma deal with. That said, it was their last day of classes before winter break, so some sluggishness was expected! As always, I’m hoping to keep improving this lecture and my OWN knowledge of asthma, physical activity and how it affects the adolescents I’m speaking to.

Speaking of holidays . . . Whoa, nutrition out the window. I have not been doing great in that regard since exams started up, but I have totally fallen off the track! Because at first it becomes “I’ll get back on track after exams” and turns to “Well, its the holidays! I can get back on after!”

Wrong mindset, brain. I had declared on Sunday after not only McDonalds but also Pancake House that I would reclaim some ground on nutrition over the week. That turned into pizza yesterday with Evan while Christmas shopping and pizza today with Dean; tacked on to all the chocolatey goodness that has been served up at work by my coworkers and our families AND the lovely chocolate “hedgehogs” that I received as a gift after teaching grade eleven biology this morning AND the bits of lovely deliciousness my mom keeps baking.
It also morphed into basically no exercise since Sunday. Granted, Sunday included both hockey AND the gym, freaking fabulous; and I suppose that hitting up three malls yesterday in five hours may count for a little . . . but I don’t think so!

To once again quote Jay in his seemingly infinite and entertaining wisdom, “Why are the holidays any different? Because the table’s longer and there are more people at it?”. Yeah, true story.

Not to mention that this has been going on since Sunday. And you know when “the holidays” start? Saturday. At the earliest. That is a week of pre-holiday slackery. Even if the holidays should be no different, which I fully agree with, starting the nutritional/fitness downslide when I was working at getting back on track is no bueno.

Tomorrow: I own you for fueling better. That is my choice, regardless of what deliciousness people give me.
Saturday, I own you for a pre-Christmas dinner workout.
Sunday is fair game for whatever happens and not to think too hard about it.
Monday, boxing day shopping is a sporting event; resume regular programming, and rock this.

I got this.

Returning to old schools makes me very aware of the impending future. Today, I headed over to my old high school after work (right next door), an hour before I needed to be there to speak. I dropped my stuff off in the very dark room and made my way through the halls looking for familiar faces and to repeatedly answer the same questions for teachers, people who have played huge roles in helping me to learn and grow into who I am . . . “What are you doing now?” and “What are you planning to do?”

Two and a half years ago I was sitting in those desks. University seemed so far off, the career part of the future even farther. Two and a half years ago I thought I knew who I was; in reality I was as confused as ever. Two and a half years ago I was one of those students contemplating the big world outside those walls.

It makes me see what I’ve gained. But it also makes me wonder what I will have gained in two and a half years from now. I left high school and thought I had a plan. Then my plan changed. My plan still changes minute to minute; other than “probably still in school” I have no idea where I’ll be in two and a half years from now . . . Less idea than I thought I had two and a half years ago.

That scariness is part of the journey. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t thrive on it; I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t scary. But every single day I get closer to that answer. Every single day I know more. Every single day, things happen in a way that affect how I see the world and how I make choices. Every single day, I change as the world changes.

Every single day brings me closer to that answer.

And I wouldn’t trade this crazy journey for anything.

There are even more GOOD THINGS to come.

i hate christmas music

It’s the time of year that Christmas music is running rampant and driving me crazy, and sometimes I feel like the only person on the planet who is driven this crazy by Christmas music that I constantly have earphones in and keep Matthew Good’s Underdogs or the Foo Fighter’s Greatest Hits album loaded in my mom’s car CD player.

I love Jesus’s birthday and everything, but really, Christmas has become so much beyond Jesus’s birthday, and it’s not all bad, but some of the traditions and traditional songs . . . are just weird. And the rest that aren’t weird are played with unnecessary frequency in the weeks leading up to Christmas (or, in the case of the country station my mom listens to, I think they start about November 1st).

Fortunately, while catching up on blogs in the post-exam-induced feeling of nothing to do, Chad makes me feel less alone in my hatred for stupid Christmas songs involving grinches and any sort of Santa-related weirdness [for instance, “Santa Baby” just creeps me out].

If you feel the same about christmas music . . . then enjoy!