being a student / kinesiology / life

letdown.

• by kerri

I might have lost it in Physical Growth and Motor Development today if things didn’t start turning around.  It’s only Tuesday and I need this week to be over.

Those of you following me on twitter may recall the week prior to reading week I had three exams in twenty-eight hours. I started studying early, because the pressure was on. Lead-up to exams was stressful, not to mention I arrived at my Program Planning in Sport exam with mere minutes to spare after missing my bus and my mom coming to pick me up and the whole relaxation-exercise-in-the-car thing. I took all of the allotted time, and thought it went okay.  Principles of Coaching was much the same, though I left pissed off that 15~ marks were riding on my knowledge of very specific terminology and hierarchically outlined structure of the ethical decisions in sport because I had spent more time reviewing glycolysis and energy systems.  The afternoon pretty immediately following Program Planning I had Physical Growth and Motor Development, which people terrified my friend and I about. That the exam was hard and the final harder. That if we didn’t word things perfectly, we wouldn’t get the marks.

Yesterday, I received the 52% on my Principles of Coaching midterm. With a 75% on my research proposal, a research paper, and a final exam left, I am not too concerned — I have made similar comebacks in Intro Kinesiology with a worse midterm grade.  This morning I found out I got 59% on my Program Planning in Sport exam.

And this pushed me over the edge. I handed my exam back in, and went to my mom’s office, which I left blinking back tears that I finally let go once I was leaning against the locked metal stall in the main floor bathroom.

You can’t spell degree without a D [there is the humour for the post, which I am not feeling, by the way].  This scares me.  I am literally kissing any chance of getting into occupational therapy school goodbye each time I fail something since my GPA is currently too low regardless. [Note: I haven’t even failed anything yet and because I am getting D’s I am already in the failing mentality]. It’s not good enough, not good enough for a LOT of Master’s programs.
Unlike a lot of schools internationally, there’s no chance for exam rewrites. I know I still have a year-plus left, but the courses are not getting easier. The applied health courses I am actually good at are behind me, and I am facing the very harsh reality of not getting my GPA high enough to do what I want to, not to mention that the school I was seriously contemplating has for the last five years only admitted students with an A- average for the last year of undergrad.

Ironically, I am doing worse in the first and second year courses I am in than in the third year ones. Last term in my third-year courses I got A-s, and a B in second-year Issues in Sport.  To hold true, in contrast to the first-year Principles of Coaching and the second-year Program Planning in Sport, in the still second-year but as ranked harder by people I’ve met class?  That would be a 78% on my Physical Growth and Motor Development test.  (Which essentially saved me from just quitting school this afternoon after an afternoon of altercation with a group member for another class, the assignment of another group project in Motor Development, and all of the above ridiculousness.)  The voluntary withdrawal date is tomorrow, which means if I am getting out of Program Planning I have to make that decision fast or it is a done deal and is on my transcript forever.

I’ve always cared about school, but I’ve never simultaneously loved it so much and so much felt like I wasn’t able to handle it. Like there is too much going on academically, like I can’t pay attention well enough to all of the details, like I am doing too much because I want to do it all . . . like I am not good enough. Like I am trying my hardest and that isn’t good enough either.  In such a short period of time, I have never been so let down by so much stuff going on at school.

My friend Bobbi-Jo and I had a nice heart-to-heart outside the athletic centre today. Where we tried to let it go following class as I shivered.  Where we talked, laughed through the shit, hugged it out, and opened our hands towards the sky.

I’m still trying. Trying to decide what I am going to do.

Still trying to let go of the letdown.

advocacy / asthma / being a student / health + fitness / health advocacy / kinesiology / life

going and growing.

• by kerri

I have about a million and one thoughts flowing around in my brain, so bear with me!

—

What I lack in size, I hope I make up for in passion.

Maybe that kid was right–maybe I’m “too tiny to be twenty”. Sometimes I don’t feel twenty–I convince the kids of it daily, but sometimes I have a hard time convincing myself that I could possibly have a quarter of my life behind me already. Sometimes I think I should have more figured out. And sometimes I just feel small, whether that’s in a good way or a not so good way.

I just hope that I’m already making an impact for somebody out there that helps them grow.

—

I taught a grade eleven biology class about asthma today. It went well, but as always I forgot to say a few things I intended to. I’ve done this presentation several times and I tend to change it up at least a little every time based on what I’m feeling in regard to asthma and life. Today, to increase tangibility for NON-asthmatics I had a good section on exercise management beyond asthma and exercise. However, sometimes high schoolers are like talking to brick walls–I don’t blame em, I was (and am) totally not a speaking in class person. Overall, I hope the three students with asthma are maybe thinking a little differently about health management and asthma, and the 25 others are a little more aware of what people with asthma deal with. That said, it was their last day of classes before winter break, so some sluggishness was expected! As always, I’m hoping to keep improving this lecture and my OWN knowledge of asthma, physical activity and how it affects the adolescents I’m speaking to.

—

Speaking of holidays . . . Whoa, nutrition out the window. I have not been doing great in that regard since exams started up, but I have totally fallen off the track! Because at first it becomes “I’ll get back on track after exams” and turns to “Well, its the holidays! I can get back on after!”

Wrong mindset, brain. I had declared on Sunday after not only McDonalds but also Pancake House that I would reclaim some ground on nutrition over the week. That turned into pizza yesterday with Evan while Christmas shopping and pizza today with Dean; tacked on to all the chocolatey goodness that has been served up at work by my coworkers and our families AND the lovely chocolate “hedgehogs” that I received as a gift after teaching grade eleven biology this morning AND the bits of lovely deliciousness my mom keeps baking.
It also morphed into basically no exercise since Sunday. Granted, Sunday included both hockey AND the gym, freaking fabulous; and I suppose that hitting up three malls yesterday in five hours may count for a little . . . but I don’t think so!

To once again quote Jay in his seemingly infinite and entertaining wisdom, “Why are the holidays any different? Because the table’s longer and there are more people at it?”. Yeah, true story.

Not to mention that this has been going on since Sunday. And you know when “the holidays” start? Saturday. At the earliest. That is a week of pre-holiday slackery. Even if the holidays should be no different, which I fully agree with, starting the nutritional/fitness downslide when I was working at getting back on track is no bueno.

Tomorrow: I own you for fueling better. That is my choice, regardless of what deliciousness people give me.
Saturday, I own you for a pre-Christmas dinner workout.
Sunday is fair game for whatever happens and not to think too hard about it.
Monday, boxing day shopping is a sporting event; resume regular programming, and rock this.

I got this.

—

Returning to old schools makes me very aware of the impending future. Today, I headed over to my old high school after work (right next door), an hour before I needed to be there to speak. I dropped my stuff off in the very dark room and made my way through the halls looking for familiar faces and to repeatedly answer the same questions for teachers, people who have played huge roles in helping me to learn and grow into who I am . . . “What are you doing now?” and “What are you planning to do?”

Two and a half years ago I was sitting in those desks. University seemed so far off, the career part of the future even farther. Two and a half years ago I thought I knew who I was; in reality I was as confused as ever. Two and a half years ago I was one of those students contemplating the big world outside those walls.

It makes me see what I’ve gained. But it also makes me wonder what I will have gained in two and a half years from now. I left high school and thought I had a plan. Then my plan changed. My plan still changes minute to minute; other than “probably still in school” I have no idea where I’ll be in two and a half years from now . . . Less idea than I thought I had two and a half years ago.

That scariness is part of the journey. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t thrive on it; I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t scary. But every single day I get closer to that answer. Every single day I know more. Every single day, things happen in a way that affect how I see the world and how I make choices. Every single day, I change as the world changes.

Every single day brings me closer to that answer.

And I wouldn’t trade this crazy journey for anything.

There are even more GOOD THINGS to come.

asthma / health + fitness / kinesiology / work

fantastic friday

• by kerri

This is the best I’ve felt in weeks.

This morning, I woke up and grabbed my inhaler has a completely different meaning.  I woke up, realized how fantastic I was feeling, and reached up to grab my Ventolin to pre-medicate for my first workout in over two weeks, instead of reaching for my inhaler to take the edge off gunky morning lungs.  I kept it short and light, covering 5.66 km in 25 minutes–the last thing I want to do is start going too hard too fast and end up back where I was two weeks ago and get sidelined again (I’m doing a vlog series right now called Working up to Working Out, chronicling my journey back to kicking ass, so feel free to check that out).  And I feel even better afterwards.

Following that I checked the MyBlackboard thing to see if our research papers for Issues in Sport had been graded yet (surprise surprise, nope. They were due November 18th. This would not bug me so much if I had grades for more than one of four reflections for the class also), and the icon under Promotion and Adherence caught my eye.  Course wrap-up message and final exam grades.  Bring on the seconds worth of anticipation when you can’t get the page to load fast enough, right?

The final exam was yesterday and our (unofficial) exam marks are posted (this has me wondering if Jay slept at all or just motored through them), and scored 84% . . . and if all stays as is, will have officially earned my first A- in university!  Needless to say, I am stoked, and that combined with how I left my Physical Activity and Aging exam feeling so positive on Wednesday night . . . well, it’s awesome.

And with that, and being a ball of energy, I am off to work — today is “Santa Day”, so it will be full of pizza and presents and staying at work until 8:30!

But also full of feeling positive, so hooray!

health + fitness / kinesiology

stairs.

• by kerri

In the middle of campus, there’s a set of stairs sandwiched between two escalators.  It’s been a topic of discussion in more than one of my classes, and Promotion and Adherence is no exception.  We watched this video in that class too — I’d seen it before, but I love the concept.  Who DOESN’T want piano stairs?

They might make more students actually use the stairs between the escalators on campus.  I actually race people by running up the stairs and seeing if I can beat the person who got on the escalator the same time I got on the stairs.  Mostly people on campus just STAND on the escalator, too, like the people in the video above. Hello, they are meant to make you go FASTER not SLOWER.  Additionally, a girl in my class said that the only people she ever sees on the stairs are people who are in kinesiology.  We need Point of Decision prompts hanging at eye level above all the escalators and elevators on campus.

Burn calories, not electricity. Take the stairs.

Today I was on a mission for baked chips on campus.  The vending machines in the athletic centre had none, so I ran [literally] to the other building via the skywalk on the next floor up, up one of the flights of stairs between the escalators, and up to the other vending machines.  Nada.  Back to the cafeteria.  Nope.  Oh well, no chips for Kerri isn’t exactly a bad thing, right?  Ran back down the stairs to the athletic centre again.

So, who is the only person on his way up the stairs as I am going down?  Yep, it’s my Promotion and Adherence prof, Jay.  Further underscoring the kinesology-people-on-the-stairs thing.

I try to take the stairs whenever possible — when I was still seeing my old pulmonologist [yeah, I’ve decided to ‘break up’ with him], I’d always take the stairs to the seventh-floor lung clinic.  Thatgot me a look from the receptionist a time or two!  [Hey, I may have asthma, but I’m young and otherwise healthy!]

They may not look like pianos, but they’re good for you!  If you don’t already, try it this week: take the stairs.  It all adds up!

kinesiology

chocolate, practicum and kinesiology

• by kerri

Last week, I Facebooked [Faceboked? Well, if my Education prof in first year made “Amazoned” a verb, I suppose I can do the same for Facebooked] about gym game issues.  As in, issues finding gym games that don’t suck.

Yeah, there are a lot of gym games that suck out there.  It’s ridiculous.

So I got everybody to tell me their favourite gym games.  A lot of people really like dodgeball, apparently.  I hated dodgeball.  The only time I ever sort of liked that game was in middle school that time that Sam and I spun in circles and didn’t get hit until the very end of the game.  I think people thought we probably weren’t playing or something.

Anyway, a week or so before I’d met up with my friend Dia when she was here for BUSINESS TRAVEL!  Dia and I connected through my blog awhile back [I believe that’s what it was] — she’s got not only a Bachelor’s of Kinesiology, but a MASTERS as well.  So we had all kinds of nerdiness to discuss, it was awesome.  She works for Special Olympics Ontario, so we share this epic love for adapted physical activity and she’s full of resources and research articles that she sends me sometimes, and stuff like that.  We had coffee and it was awesome.

So, back on the subject of gym games, Dia dropped me an e-mail, and the next day, a gigantic package arrived in my mailbox [or maybe in my door.  It may have been too big for my mailbox].  Holy amazing.

physical activity materials from dia

Seriously.  Best title for a book about developmental physical education EVER.

So not only that, but I’m totally spoiled.  She also sent me TORONTO CHOCOLATE.  To add to that, she also gave me Toronto chocolate when we met up when she was here.  How sweet is that?

But not just ANY chocolate:

chocolate from dia!

CHOCOLATE WITH POP ROCKS.

Seriously.  If there was ever a food that was a party in your mouth with everyone invited [a la Moe Szyslack] it would be Toronto chocolate with Pop Rocks and hazelnut.  Thanks Dia!

————–

On the subject of kinesiology [okay, the story about chocolate was sort of about kinesiology in a roundabout way], I’m in this class called Physical Activity and Aging.  As part of the course requirements, we have to complete an eight-hour practicum with seniors who are exercising.

You know what’s difficult about that?  Seniors exercise during the day.  Because when do seniors have free time?  During the day.  During the evening they are full of visiting their kids who work during the day, and hanging out at home, and going to bed early.  Or at least that is my understanding.  Maybe the people who work with seniors who want to exercise are just all “Hey, they have free time during the day, I can have a 9-5 job now.” and affect the socialization and exercise hours of seniors that way, I don’t know.  And what do I do during the day?  I go to school and I work and I attempt to get some of that awesome thing called exercise worked into my day myself.

So I finally got my practicum arranged at a senior’s apartment complex.  T, the therapeutic recreation coordinator, is awesomesauce helping me figure out when my practicum fits with my schedule AND theirs.  She is SO stoked about my practicum, it’s awesome.  I’ve met the woman once and she’s officially FULL OF AWESOME.

I went to what the schedule calls Exercise Tape today.  Originally i thought that meant Exercise VIDEO Tape.

It didn’t.  It meant Exercise CASSETTE tape.  It went on for half an hour and I observed and took about five lines of notes, and it was INCREDIBLY boring.  It was chair exercises.  Which, I mean, that’s awesome.  If that’s how the senior exercise boat floats, then that’s cool.  They do it every morning.  And they are all serious while doing it, or something, because there is no social involved.  Which is something I’d like to observe, since apparently having social support helps people adhere to exercise programs.  [There were seven people there today. Sometimes there’s two, and sometimes there’s fifteen.  Just how the exercise boat floats.]

Here’s the problem though.  It was half an hour, which means to make it work into my schedule on the two days a week I can go at 9:30 am . . . I have to do it for eight weeks.  And this thing is due November 23rd.  So no bueno on that.

T and I sat down and hashed it out. She was determined to make this work for me.  Super awesome woman, as I said about three paragraphs ago.  We got it set up.  I’m going for Ladder Golf the next four Wednesdays and Bocce Ball the next four Saturdays.  One O’Clock Games.  It’s gonna be awesome.  The tenants I met today were super friendly, and I’m sure they’re gonna kick my butt at these target games [TGfU model FTW].

 

Oh, I’d also like to mention within the span of less than two hours, I went form watching kids play floor hockey to watching seniors work out.  I also walked 4K today and am going to the gym tomorrow. I got this kinesiology thing down.