Trigger warning: body image/eating disorders.

Today I did a couple things–I went to lab, and I had some discussions about lab.

In specific, I went to Scientific Principles of Fitness and Conditioning lab and we all pinched each others’ body fat with calipers.

I think I don’t need to say that I, nor anybody else, in the lab was really looking forward to the whole thing.

I have not blogged any on the subject of body image. I’ve started several posts, and never finished them. Just because I haven’t blogged it, doesn’t mean I haven’t struggled with it.  From what I heard today, though, was that while nobody talks about their insecurities, we all shared the same struggles when staring the body composition lab in the face today.

Like this guy:

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From the similar remarks between my classmates to one another and the lab instructor, I figured out I was definitely not the only one. The comments from my friends Natasha and Jenni on Twitter solidified this too–as if the lab were cruel and unusual torture. (It’s not torture, it’s exercise science. But still torture when you’re in there). Nobody took the option of going into more secluded space; nobody refused to participate–yet we all hesitated to start, and we all complained.  This lab, I think, for everybody was a step out of our comfort zones, and a step towards the realization that I have from time to time that pretty much everybody struggles with their perception of their own body.  And I knew I was in good company and not alone with my insecurities in this lab.

Last week was National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. I had full intention to blog on the body image subject then. However, it is timeless.

Today, inside myself, I freaked out over the numbers in front of me.

Today, I tried to pacify myself knowing that I am healthy.

Today, that is hard.

My thoughts tear between I am okay and I can do better. The old patterns, the old thoughts come back to me.

Where every bite is agonized over and sometimes, frequently, not taken–or where every bite is ignored fully. I cannot live in either of those places as I have in the past.

Where I compare myself and my body to those around me . . . frequently my often very athletic classmates who I feel so different from the majority of the time.

Where I agonize over a stupid number.

I get angry at myself for doing this. I get angry at society that i feel the need to feel this way about myself. I get angry that I just can’t shake the thoughts and move on and move outside of myself.

My heart knows I am not a number, that I am more than a number–it’s my head that needs convincing.

held up on my last strings / of this marionette of me / that you control in your spare time / pick me up i’m a pantomime / but cut the act. / and all the strings and the stupid smile / you’re seeing inside, i’m slowly breaking / my heart is aching.

this marionette of me / just ain’t cut out to be what i would like to be

skulls and hearts and crossbones /  pick me up when i am all alone / the only friends that i dare see /  fears of what you’ll do to me / but let me fall . . . / onto the dusty floor / and let me cry and talk what i / have held inside for so long.

and i am cutting all my strings / you can try to hold on, but i’m already gone.

held up by your dwindling, nervous hands.

this ain’t me, no . . .

marionette of me, tess dunn

And I am not alone.

A year or so ago, I combined some words to invent the term badassmatic. Simply, a badass living with asthma. To be used in a sentence: Steve is the epitome of badassmatic.

Today, let’s define it. It is an honour to be the first ever guest-poster at my friend Steve’s blog Breathinstephen!

Please join me over there for some conversation on music, asthma, owning your health . . . and badassery!

In September at Medicine-X, I was blessed with the opportunity to meet many ePatients who I’d been in contact with online over the years. One of these beautiful people was Carly, a Masters of Business Administration student from Virginia.  The coolest thing about meeting people “from the internet” in person for the first time is that it already feels like you know one another, you go in for that first hug, and then you talk and hit it off like you’ve known each other forever.  Carly also provided me a ton of support, even if she didn’t know it, throughout the whole respiratory situation/prednisone ordeal, because she knows first-hand just how miserable it can be.

Carly lives with Crohn’s disease, an inflammatory bowel condition that can wreak a lot of havoc on a person’s digestive system, with treatments that can ease but not cure symptom flare-ups at the cost of a lot of side effects throughout the rest of the body.  Today, she’ll be sharing a bit of what Crohn’s is, and how you can be supportive to a friend living with IBD.

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December 1 through 7 is Crohn’s and Colitis Awareness Week. Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis (UC) are the two diseases that are also referred to as IBD (inflammatory bowel disease). IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) is not the same as IBD and is in fact a different condition. Combined, 1.4 million Americans suffered from these diseases, although the numbers may be much higher because in some cases it can take years for individuals to be diagnosed. Crohn’s and UC are autoimmune diseases that generally attack the digestive system, although many patients have joint pain, depression, anxiety and other symptoms as well. Crohn’s disease can affect the entire digestive tract, from mouth to rectum, while UC affects the colon only. These diseases typically involve chronic inflammation of the intestine (or other digestive area) and can be very painful. The treatments range from steroids (commonly Prednisone) to newer biologics just as Humira or Remicade. Patients may undergo surgery to remove highly inflamed parts of their digestive system, or even their entire colon. Surgery is not a “cure” though and can present its own problems, such as an ostomy, nutrition problems, or fecal incontinence. Most people with IBD are diagnosed in their teens, but children and older adults can also develop the disease. There is currently no cure for Crohn’s or UC.

Carly

Do you know someone with IBD? Here are some tips for being a supportive friend:

  • Like many other autoimmune diseases, IBD can cause fatigue and pain. Your friend may need to cancel plans, often at the last minute. Be understanding and above all, don’t take it personally. Keep inviting her to events, she’ll hang out whenever possible.
  • People with IBD may have varying dietary needs. This can be different for each person and can change depending on how active their disease is at the moment. Don’t be offended if your friend doesn’t eat something you prepare. If you are inviting them over for dinner or out to eat, take an opportunity to ask gently if they have any preferences or foods they absolutely cannot have. Don’t assume that the diet they were on a year ago is the same one they are currently on. Don’t be offended if the friend doesn’t want to do an eating-based event, they may be on a liquid diet or IV-feedings to rest their intestines.
  • Your friend with IBD is probably on medication that compromises his immune system. If you, or someone in your household is sick please let your friend know before you hang out. They may choose to wait until you are no longer contagious. It can be much harder for people on immune-suppressing medication to fight off illness like the cold or a flu and they’ve probably used up all their sick leave on IBD-stuff anyway.
  • A person with IBD is a person first. If you knew your friend before they got sick, remember they are still the same person. They may be more depressed from time to time, but they still have the same general personality and interests. If your friend can’t make it out to the movies, maybe hang out with them at home and watch Netflix. If your friend isn’t up for a visit, be sure to send emails and texts to let them know what you’ve been up to. Your friend does not want to feel left out or like a person who is only a medical specimen.

 

For more information about IBD check out CCFA (http://online.ccfa.org/site/PageNavigator/AdvocacyPage.html) and Crohnology (http://crohnology.com/blog/5-crohns-colitis-awareness-week).

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Thanks Carly!

Carly is a graphic designer, student, health advocate, Medicine-X ePatient, and bunny lover. Throughout the week, she’ll be blogging about life with Crohn’s at ChroniCarly, so please check out her posts to explore more about what living with Crohn’s can really be like.  You can also find her on Twitter at @CarlyRM and @ChroniCarly.

Also, Carly . . . when are we going to Chicago? :]

Throughout November, the diabetes community has been up to serious Good Things advocacy-wise for Diabetes Awareness Month. Many of my favourite things are initiatives like the Big Blue Test or Connected in Motion‘s World Diabetes Day Scavenger Hunt, that help create awareness while getting people–with and without–diabetes active at the same time.

To close off the month, Allison Nimlos offered to share some of her thoughts about exercise and type one diabetes–and how, despite the ever-constant and ever-changing variables that come into play when managing exercise with diabetes, it is worth it to persevere.

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After 19 years of living with type 1 diabetes, there are two things I know for sure about diabetes and exercise.

1) Exercise is essential for managing diabetes.

2) Exercise is a nightmare for managing diabetes.

Say what?!

No, this isn’t the Twilight Zone, but it is a fairly well-known fact that exercise is both amazing and horrible when it comes to managing type 1 diabetes. For type 2 diabetics, who rarely deal with low blood sugars, exercise is almost all good. But with type 1 diabetes, it gets quite complicated.

In managing type 1 diabetes, you’re basically a juggler. You’re juggling known factors, like insulin and food, but you’re also dealing with unknown factors, like hormones and stress, which can impact how your body responds to insulin. They aren’t anything you can control, so you just have to deal with things as they come. Exercise is sort of in between. Exercise is something you’re aware of — obviously, you know when you’re exercising — but the effects of exercising can vary from person to person, activity to activity, and even day to day!

Because of this, I’ve never been much into fitness. It’s actually easier, in some ways, not to be athletic because it’s one less variable to worry about. That doesn’t mean it’s good for you! Of course, it takes a lot of time and practice to figure out how your body responds to different exercise routines and what your blood sugar target levels should be. Diabetes is a very individual disease!

For instance, yesterday I ran a mile at the gym and ended my workout at a great blood sugar. Today, I ran another mile, and ended with a low blood sugar. Frustrating! But on the flipside, I also know that fitness helps me become less insulin resistant, which means my insulin works even better, my blood sugars in the long run will be lower and more stable, and my body will also be healthier in other ways. One of the major complications of diabetes is heart disease, so having a healthy heart and body through fitness is another excellent way to achieve that.

Here are some tips that I have for switching from being a non-exerciser to an exerciser when you have diabetes:

1) Stay observant. Diabetes changes depending on the variables, and it becomes a little easier to manage when you start paying attention to all the variables. From food and insulin, blood sugars before, during and after exercising, and even time of day, all those can impact your diabetes. Once you see what combinations are more successful, you can start trying to duplicate them.

2) Food isn’t the enemy. A lot of people don’t want to exercise because they are afraid of low blood sugars, and that means eating. But calories and carbohydrates can actually help you lose weight and be healthy. The right food is fuel! So eating does not necessarily mean you’re discounting your entire workout.

3) Be consistent. It takes practice, and a lot of people want to give up after the first workout because things aren’t perfect. But just like your first run or first time at yoga isn’t going to be great, your first time managing diabetes while exercising probably won’t be great either. You have stick with it, make adjustments, and even talk to your “coach” (doctor or diabetes educator) before you eventually get to the point where things will be easier.

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There are also many inspirational athletes with diabetes that constantly remind me not to let my diabetes get in the way. From Phil Southerland, who cycled across America, to Zippora Karz, who 
was a prima ballerina, to Will Cross, who climbed Mt. Everest, there’s no accomplishment that is out of reach for a person with diabetes. However, one thing I have learned time and again is the need for practice. It’s like training for a marathon. You don’t just go out there and run 26.2 miles. You have to start slow, practice, train, talk to people, and learn. Only then can you be successful! 

DSC_1755.JPGIt can be so difficult to adjust to something new. Not only is it physically difficult if you’re not used to running or cycling, but it can also be difficult to stay on top of your blood sugars, because your routine is completely changed. In the long run (no pun intended!), the benefits outweigh the negatives, and I’m personally more committed to fitness than ever. Plus, with the support of the Diabetes Online Community, my endocrinologist, my diabetes educator and, of course, my husband, I know that I can manage my diabetes and stay fit.

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Thanks Allison!  Allison blogs at With Faith and Grace, and is an active diabetes advocate, member of the diabetes online community (DOC) and writer for Diabetes Mine. Currently Allison is pursuing studies that will lead her towards nursing and becoming a Certified Diabetes Educator, creating for diabetes awareness at Blue Cupcake Press . . . all in addition to maintaining an active and balanced life with type 1 diabetes. You can find Allison on Twitter at @WithFaithGrace.

My friend Mike started this movement called Mirror Mantras, in which he used to post a picture similar to the one below. I’m trying to get back on the train [and I miss his mantras!]

Here is something I am working at focusing on better:

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Speaking of Mike, and seeing that blue shirt there, that arrived in the mail today from the Diabetes Hands Foundation! November is Diabetes Awareness Month, and . . . Big Blue Test time!  As a fan of exercise, helping people, and awareness, I am a huge fan of the Big Blue Test, which only requires that a person log their workouts [and pre-/post- blood sugar readings if they have diabetes] and per logged workout, money is donated to a variety of diabetes-related non-profits from a sponsor. It is win-win-win, people!

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Included with my shirt was a piece of Mike-art! :]  How awesome is this?

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