faded reflection: last week, from now.

I spent last week at the cabin.

I spent some time on the water in the kayak, some time reading [new books: Evolution, Me & Other Freaks of Nature, On My Own (Diary of a Teenage Girl), The First Part Last (Heaven #2) (unsure of what Heaven #1 is); reread Falling Up (Diary of a Teenage Girl) although i remembered none of it), and continued on Islands and Insulin.

Something also sparked in me to pick up the Bible again. What a concept for me. Picking up the Bible, in this case, was putting the Bible Gateway app back on my phone. And here’s the thing, I was actually excited about it.

I journaled. Not a ridiculous amount, but I got my head back out of me or back in check in the way that only writing seems to do for me—really, the best therapy. I considered stuff I need to work on, and “iterations of myself I need to get back to”. Like the whole exercising/nutrition/journaling/mediating/praying thing.

I saw a sunrise—it moved me to stumble back to my bed on the way back from the bathroom at 5 AM for my phone to take a picture—to not miss the moment and not think it was just a dream in the morning.

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I created. This was, actually, before the sunrise sighting.

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I played mindless games (actually, Cooking Fever is kind of stressful, my goodness), and looked for Pokemon.

I tried to be present, mindful, as much as my lack of routine and ADHD allows.

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I did some work when I felt like it. It’s part of my life, no matter how much on “holidays” people kept saying we were on. I chose to not be on vacation for the times I spent working. It’s easy when you like what you do for work and can work anywhere.

It was really, though, about coming back to where I need to be; about reflecting on self-care and seeing what I want more of in my life. And, I found a lot of good stuff in the process—stuff I need to work on. Like talking to God and seeing Him in my world—opening my eyes and allowing Him to open my eyes.

Edit: After I published this, I found this live set from Lacey Sturm on YouTube, at one point she says, “God is always pursuing you, but do we always pursue Him?” 
I think my answer is obvious; but that the question is perfect.

i feel Your eyes crawling over me
as though i am something more than me
but i don’t have anything good enough to say
i did not make myself this way

i’ll show you what He did
but i won’t take the credit
it’s not mine anyway
i just held the pen that day

and i don’t deserve this
this time right now
it’s not something for which
i can take the bow
and i don’t deserve this
it wasn’t me
i can’t take glory
for something that i can’t be
i don’t deserve this

i know what perfection is like
and i cannot stand before its might
and i’m so far from what You think that i must be
i just drown myself in mercy 

and all the art that i supposedly create
is simply a faded reflection of something He’s already made. 

penholder, flyleaf

But the further I go, the further I wander, the more I realize I need God. My friend Jessica posted a picture on Instagram last week that I needed—it said “Prayer is not a ‘spare wheel’ that you pull out when you’re in trouble, but it is a ‘steering wheel’ that directs the right path throughout life.” This is something I know, but I fall off track, and a reminder I need. I want to be well.

my scars are Yours today, this story ends so good
i love You and i understand that You stood where i stand
[thank You.] […] no matter what You’re going to break my shell.
i’m done healing—i’m done healing
i’m sorry, flyleaf 

Oh and totally out of the vibe of this post, but this makes me laugh so much:

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Such doge.

where did may go?

Seriously. Where did May go?

I told myself I’d write a blog post today. Well, here we are, 11:55 pm, so I’ve got four minutes to make that happen. Technically, I wrote two blog posts today, for Asthma.Net. But that’s not what I meant.

Toronto. Minneapolis. Ten days of the month on the road, and it was awesome. Then the storm—in a good way—of catching up. I turned twenty-five. I hit all my goals (actually exceeding one of them) for work. Assisting with getting the research protocol off the ground for the U of A project. All kinds of mostly awesome nonsense filling my head, and trying to return to my commitment of quelling all that nonsense a bit with meditation—it’s all good.

So, here we are, May.

Over.

Except with pictures to come tomorrow, because there are a lot of them and they’re still uploading.

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world asthma day 2016: hello, asthma.net

Today […yesterday, technically] is World Asthma Day. Much the same as at 12:05 AM, I have no riveting thoughts on this. I took my inhalers, I went to bed. I woke up, I took my inhalers, I went out. I took my inhalers before coaching, I came home, I went to the pharmacy and picked up more inhalers, and I’ll take medicine again before I go to bed.

And I wore this shirt that I wear one day a year.

World Asthma Day? It’s gotten boring. Just like this disease. I feel like the organizers aren’t putting the effort in, even. The theme has been “You can control your asthma” for as long as I can remember. Guess what? That hasn’t changed much either.

Maybe people with asthma would think differently about choosing to manage their disease, if they were given something to think about.  We need some fresh air, y’all. (Bad puns…)

Fortunately, I’ve got a fresh announcement to make up for that.

Asthma.net launched TODAY. 

Way back, I signed a blogging contract with Health-Union, LLC, which oversees Asthma.net. They took their time getting their ducks in a row—which is, as a contractor, super nice because since starting to submit work to them, everything has been SUPER ON THE BALL. I honestly do not have enough good things to say about working with them!

Asthma.net stands for the same things that I do: writing for Health-Union, I retain all credit for my work, and I get to choose my post topics—but, I have people to fall back on if I’m stuck for topics. And yes, of course, they pay me. Not only that, though, but they treat patients like experts—who knows our world better than we do, right? Health-Union has been at this awhile—and it’s clear they’ve done the work to get their relationships right.

Please, check it out. I highly recommend checking out other contributors as well, but here’s where you can find my posts.

…By the way, I freaked right out when I saw one of my posts as a featured post earlier. Whaaaaat.

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So, as I try (again) to write my patient story for our National Asthma Patient Alliance executive meeting in Toronto this weekend (again. I can only talk about myself so much… Said the blogger…), I’m reminded of the importance of our stories.

And I’m grateful that more and more organizations are seeing the importance of sharing patient stories in empowering patients, too.

Disclosure: I am provided per-piece compensation by Health-Union, LLC, for pieces I publish to Asthma.Net. Health-Union allows me full choice over what I contribute, as long as it falls within their guidelines (which are basically like, don’t be mean to people). I was not asked to write this post, nor was I ever asked to share Asthma.Net on social media.
I mean… If they googled me for all of 5 seconds they’d know I’d share anyways. But, they never asked me to. 

camp nanowrimo: not halfway there.

Okay yeah so remember how I had all those grand plans fifteen days ago? [Sixteen days ago if you’re really counting, because obviously I start writing all these blog posts at 11:45 pm on the day I meant to write them. Yup.]

Yeah, nope, not happening already. I’m realistic. (I wasn’t 16 days ago but whatever. Details.)

Nanowrimo? It started off strong. Like usual. Then I lost interest. Even though I liked my story. I think I lost interest anyways, maybe I just got distracted writing all the other things.

I changed my goal even earlier in the week at some point (I forgot to write that down, but maybe Sunday or something). And then I kind of plateaued…

nanowrimo

It looks like I’m way ahead of the curve for awhile, but that’s only cause I shifted my goal down. I was trying to do 2000 words a day instead of 1666 or whatever the regular goal is, to compensate for the 5 days I’ll be away this month. But yeah, nope…

I was pretty pleased when I hit the 10% marker on time, before I changed the goal number. That’s better than I’ve done previously, honestly.

So, lesson learned: the research is true—don’t try to do too many new things at once.

Especially when a lot of your work is writing already, maybe. 🙂

write all the things april

Now that I’ve started using Bullet Journaling to try to organize my life (post on that to come), I seem to have begun tackling (or at least scheduling to tackle) a few big projects for April.

First, you’ll be seeing me more here. I’ve got a schedule (!) mapped out for the month, although this post is already not the post I said I’d write today (because, duh, it’s me). 

I’ve also decided to take another plunge into Camp Nanowrimo (aka National Novel Writing Month, aka trying to write a 50000 word novel in 30 days—like, nonsense, really!). I made it like 26% or something last time, so, I’m curious if I actually will succeed this time (this will be proof of the magic of the Bullet Journal). I’m trying a different story that will hopefully not get me as bogged down in researching very specific things (because I am great at that—distraction FTW). With a few travel days on the agenda for April as well, I’m trying to do 2000 words per day on that project… and that’s just one component of my writing life. I’m going to need to get this standing desk setup rolling, stat.

And, this is on top of a few other blog contract gigs, coaching, and my other regular life. It’s mildly ambitious, but hey, I’ve made a timetable (!) for my life (!) and it still has, theoretically, plenty of free time. And workouts scheduled. And… Oh, God, what am I doing here?

Oh well, let’s give it a shot.

It’s on, April.

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PS. The snow has already melted twice, yet it’s supposed to snow again today. 

PPS. None of this is an April Fool’s.

PPPS. I love WestJet