Tonight at youth, we all chose a stone that we felt represented us.

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My stone from a distance looked like it is smooth. At a closer look, you’re able to see the small indented imperfections that don’t take away from the big picture, but are still a part of the current reality.  These are the things in my past that have made me who I am, the things that have left scars within me — inside and out.  These are the stories, good and bad, who make me who I am.  Running my fingers over the rock, I felt the small imperfections on what is mostly a smooth rock — though mostly unnoticeable, it is possible to feel my physical scars, and it is possible to notice them if you take a close enough look — a physical reminder of what I have been through.

The stone is dark.  A darkness, a reminder of the stories behind me, still follow behind me — a shadow. These stories are a big part of WHY I am who I am today, and as much as I hate some of the things I have done, some of the places I have been inside, they are why I am here as I am right now. And I cannot change that, and I cannot forget that.  There is not beauty in light until there is that time of fear, aloneness and solidarity in the dark.

On the right side, there is a patch of lighter brown. This represents the light shining through the darkness.  This light changes dependent on the situation — sometimes, this light is the physical sunshine. Sometimes it is simply what is coming out of me from my own perspective.  Most importantly, this light spot is Jesus . . . changing the darkness into light.  This light spot is the question being created . . . why? . . . This light spot is proof that joy has come, that joy WILL come, and that I am HERE . . . and I cannot let this light get away.  The light spot is the here and now.  The light spot is why I do everything I do.  The light is HOPE.

The dark is the story behind me, the story the sun has set on.  The light spot is why I am who I am . . . and the story that is still to come.

The past is important in telling our stories, to understand where we’re at and why we’re there.

But tonight, I am not celebrating what’s ending . . . i am celebrating what is coming.  I don’t “do” new year’s resolutions, because a resolution is simply a goal–and goals need to be set and re-set frequently to make progress.

Today I closed off 2011 with my friend and former coworker, Sara, just one of many amazing people I experienced the joy of meeting in 2011.  We ate too many crepes and had an amazing time, and were ironically wearing the same Hollister hoodie in different colours, pink t-shirts underneath and brown jackets!  [I took mine off for the picture].

sara and i!

After making a final pharmacy trip for the year (gotta love breathing, yeah?), I came home to do a final workout to hit 800 kilometers for 2011.  To give some perspective on how much I’ve grown in regard to exercise and fitness in 2011, my total on December 31st, 2010 was a tiny 100 kilometers [which was upped to a legitimate 106 as I found later on that I had forgotten to count an April race in there].

That. Is. Huge.  The big change in 2011 came in September through the amazingness that was Physical Activity: Promotion and Adherence, definitely my favourite university class thus far, and really gaining the understanding that the SMALL things make a BIG difference!  Though an unintentional success attributed to making small changes and regulating physical activity, since mid-September [at my highest ever weight which may have been some sort of weird fluke] I have lost a total of 17 pounds.  I can’t say I felt “bad” before or anything, but comparatively, I feel totally awesome both physically and emotionally with the GOOD changes that have happened!

I’ve walked 213 km, stationary biked 143, and racked up hundreds of kilometers in commutes. I walked one race, went on a few short hikes, went on an adventure rock climbing this past week.  I played hockey both in my skates and in my Sauconies and skated down rivers.  I’ve played in concrete jungles and playgrounds.  This has been the most active year of my life, and I plan to strip that title away from 2011 and give it to 2012.

This year, I have reached farther than I thought I could, pushed my lungs and my body in bigger ways.  I started thinking about things differently, relationships changed and growing happened.  I did things I couldn’t believe I would or could succeed at.  
I got a new job at an amazing daycare.  I worked one-on-one at camp for a week, which was one of the biggest challenges and biggest joys simultaneously.  I have met so many amazing people in “real life” and online.  One of my best guy friends for a time became my first boyfriend and even though it mutually didn’t work out, it definitely did not damage our friendship, which was the most important thing to us.  I returned to Chicago.  I watched one of the girls I do inclusion with grow so much in where she’s at, while simultaneously realizing the growth in myself through her.  I have fallen more and more in love with the subject that is applied health.  I have changed my perspectives on health advocacy, become more involved, and continued to learn how to OWN my asthma and encourage others to do the same.  I have learned to better live with what I’ve been handed.  I have learned more deeply that health and wellness is a choice.  I have learned to see things differently, engage differently, and not just make goals, but meet goals and ENGAGE in these goals to use them as learning experiences.

I want to continue that next year.  Continue moving forward, continue proving myself wrong, continuing to grow and learn and thrive, not simply survive.

There is more goodness coming.  There is a year of hope, joy, change, growth, learning, and love ahead.

Bring it on 2012. GOOD THINGS!

Sometimes, my applied health courses challenge me on a personal level.  They make me dig deeper and push harder.  They make me analyze myself and where I’m screwing up and where I’m doing well.  And where to change it.  I think [those of us who think about kinesiology, anyway] that we constantly think about how everything we learn in school can be applied in the people around us.  All the time. At least I do.  [But I’m the nerd who just watched a TED Talk at 8:00 at night because I didn’t have any kinesiology today and needed to feel like I was learning].

They make me grow.  To have school challenge you that much on a personal, not just academic, level is so awesome.

My Physical Activity: Promotion and Adherence [hereafter known as Promotion and Adherence, because that’s long enough as it is] prof is just awesome.  I may have to buy his book on Amazon to continue having him creating order in my life after this class is over.  I leave class, and all I want to do is go work out.  Seriously, the promotion and adherence thing works.  Changing the way you think works.  Change the way you think about everything, and things happen.

Things happen when you set goals and follow through with them.  Barriers are meant to be overcome.  Not just overcome . . . knock ’em down.

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When you want what your goals are set for, it becomes cyclical.  Set goals, meet goals, happy with outcome, set more goals, meet more goals.  This diagram applies far beyond exercise.

Start small and GROW.  Be motivated.

“If you have time to spend six hours on Facebook a day, you have time to work out for 45 minutes.”  No, not just twenty as per Health Canada guidelines.  45.  Because 20 is just being lazy about trying not to be lazy and is bare minimum.

“Who hasn’t eaten in about three hours?  Who’s hungry?”  And throws out snacks to whoever puts their hands up.

“Go out there and do good things!”

. . . those are things Jay says every day.  To motivate, to encourage in the battle we all fight against Resistance.

There is a depth here.  A meaning that extends not just to others, but to yourself.  You can’t ask for the change you wish to see in others, without having a concrete handle on what it is you’re asking for within yourself. Within what you’re doing in this life.

Change your thinking.  Then change the standard of thinking.

Go out there and do good things.