asthma / dare you to move / health + fitness / life

exercise train back on the literal track: if you don’t push through the shit, you don’t grow

• by kerri

Last week I had a really awesome track workout.  Because of the awesomeness both Sam and I experienced, we decided to go back this morning before class.  Now, to be perfectly honest, because I’m in the gym at least one class a week, my exercise train has not derailed as much as it could have potentially during midterm madness [three exams in less than 36 hours is not fun], so Movement Ed, I am grateful for you, as am I for having a job where i can play around in the gym . . . and get paid for it [noodle hockey anybody?].

So this morning, I told my Twitter friends to have an intentional day, and went to school two and a half hours before my class started, and got the exercise train back on the literal track. And despite my breathing not being fantastic (mornings sometimes a little rough), I was determined to make the most of it and try to go kick my own ass out there.  Because “K-I-C-K-A-S-S, that’s the way we spell success.” (–Giant, Matthew Good).

Today’s workout? It was hard. I left it feeling more exhausted than energized, and basically forced myself around the track for 45 minutes. I was TRYING. I was trying to be like “Yeah! This is awesome!”. Except it wasn’t.  My cousin Dean was there too, along with Sam and I, and the kid just effortlessly basically runs straight out for half an hour (It blows my mind that people can still breathe when they do that, and then I remember that only 10% of us have screwed up lungs. And 50%~ of that 10% of us with asthma do not exercise. In Canada, that amounts to 1.5 million people.  And now I have gone and scared myself with statistics about exercise engagement and asthma and want to go change the world.

And you know why half of asthmatics probably don’t exercise?  The conclusion I came to on the track today while slogging through 5K:

A thing I hate about asthma? I feel like I can never have a consistent workout because there are about 8000 variables at play.

First it’s dependent on how I feel when I wake up. If I’m a little tight, or feeling a little “off”, I’ll still work out.  if it’s anything more than that, I’ll push it off till the middle of the day or evening, or defer it until the next day. How I feel when I wake up in the morning though is also dependent on about a million things: my environment, the weather, the season and my own body.  Identifiable variables today perhaps contributing to the not breathing my best: it snowed late this morning, hormones and a basically empty inhaler of Atrovent.  So ALL of these things contributed to both how I felt when I woke up, AND how I felt during my workout. During the workout? That’s dependent on how my warm-up goes, how I FEEL about how my warm-up went [if it sucked, I’m less apt to push myself harder], the air quality in the locker room or gym [ex. intense fragrance, how dry the gym air is, etc].  And of course, the stuff I put into my body. So, food, water, and medicine.  See the above point about the dead Atrovent, maybe didn’t give the Ventolin enough time to kick in, note that I didn’t eat before my workout, and realize that I forgot my water bottle in my locker? Less than perfect lungs, little fuel stores and probably some dehydration at play.  So consistency? Not going to happen. That changes day to day.  Once again, I’m sure most of you with any chronic disease can identify with this.

As I am winding myself around the track at the beginning of a sprint [running is a big deal, people. I used to only be able to do a quarter of the track, now I can do a whole lap with a long walking break between], and I’m fighting my lungs, fighting my legs, fighting my brain. Focusing on the breathing, focusing on ignoring the legs, focusing on telling my brain that it is the thing that wants me to BE INTENTIONAL about my choices.  And fighting to let the zen that should be running take over.

The realization comes at this point.

If you don’t push through the shit, you don’t grow.

I run.  I don’t run fast, I only complete that one lap, but . . .

I pushed through the shit.  Like a flower.

dare you to move

“climbing, from overstimulated states to hearing . . .”

• by kerri

—Weightless, Nada Surf

About a month ago, my friends and I went wall climbing.  It is an awesome climbing gym, and we’re planning on going again sometime in the near future.  My friend Dan and I are big into incorporating DOING something into our get-togethers.  While eating is doing something, and we usually do that after, we kind of like getting something to be active about before we eat a bunch of food.  So we play ice hockey or ball hockey . . . or go climbing!

(On that note, at about 11:30 every night, my Fitbit tells me to CLIMB IT. And I tell it “Chill, I am going to bed”.)

Climbing is not an activity I am exactly good at [okay, let’s face it: I am the girl with the proficiency barrier. I do not move skillfully in the majority of regards].  But I really enjoy it, and not only is it a really good workout and my lungs are pretty okay with it–I really enjoy the aspect of being able to exercise AND breathe well at the same time, but I think there is a thrill in it and an amazing high associated with it [literally and figuratively] that is very unique–at least that is what I experience [I am pretty high on life in all regards . . . no drugs needed . . . but sometimes I just get REALLY stoked about things!].  Before the climbing event, the last time I climbed was in grade 12 PE, so it was due time I got up there again!  So, not only do I go out of my way to organize these sorts of crazy climbing events, I totally try to climb whenever I get the chance!  [This is probably totally the fault of my friend Steve at Living Vertical, who is climbing every day in 2012–props, dude! He is full of motivating, and he and his wife Stefanie are full of awesome in all they are doing!]

Tonight, our church’s youth event was to tour a new youth centre and try out their activities, such as an indoor skate park, a gym for basketball and volleyball and stuff, video games, and . . . a climbing wall!  So, of course, I was encouraging the girls in the small group I was leading to get up there!  And, of course, leading by example is the way to go, right?

“when you reach the top”

IMG-20120127-00213.jpg

“as you bottom out

but you understand what it’s all about”

–Love Just Is, Hilary Duff

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This is how I finish a rappel, apparently.

It. Was. Awesome.

advocacy / asthma / being a student / health + fitness / health advocacy / kinesiology / life

going and growing.

• by kerri

I have about a million and one thoughts flowing around in my brain, so bear with me!

—

What I lack in size, I hope I make up for in passion.

Maybe that kid was right–maybe I’m “too tiny to be twenty”. Sometimes I don’t feel twenty–I convince the kids of it daily, but sometimes I have a hard time convincing myself that I could possibly have a quarter of my life behind me already. Sometimes I think I should have more figured out. And sometimes I just feel small, whether that’s in a good way or a not so good way.

I just hope that I’m already making an impact for somebody out there that helps them grow.

—

I taught a grade eleven biology class about asthma today. It went well, but as always I forgot to say a few things I intended to. I’ve done this presentation several times and I tend to change it up at least a little every time based on what I’m feeling in regard to asthma and life. Today, to increase tangibility for NON-asthmatics I had a good section on exercise management beyond asthma and exercise. However, sometimes high schoolers are like talking to brick walls–I don’t blame em, I was (and am) totally not a speaking in class person. Overall, I hope the three students with asthma are maybe thinking a little differently about health management and asthma, and the 25 others are a little more aware of what people with asthma deal with. That said, it was their last day of classes before winter break, so some sluggishness was expected! As always, I’m hoping to keep improving this lecture and my OWN knowledge of asthma, physical activity and how it affects the adolescents I’m speaking to.

—

Speaking of holidays . . . Whoa, nutrition out the window. I have not been doing great in that regard since exams started up, but I have totally fallen off the track! Because at first it becomes “I’ll get back on track after exams” and turns to “Well, its the holidays! I can get back on after!”

Wrong mindset, brain. I had declared on Sunday after not only McDonalds but also Pancake House that I would reclaim some ground on nutrition over the week. That turned into pizza yesterday with Evan while Christmas shopping and pizza today with Dean; tacked on to all the chocolatey goodness that has been served up at work by my coworkers and our families AND the lovely chocolate “hedgehogs” that I received as a gift after teaching grade eleven biology this morning AND the bits of lovely deliciousness my mom keeps baking.
It also morphed into basically no exercise since Sunday. Granted, Sunday included both hockey AND the gym, freaking fabulous; and I suppose that hitting up three malls yesterday in five hours may count for a little . . . but I don’t think so!

To once again quote Jay in his seemingly infinite and entertaining wisdom, “Why are the holidays any different? Because the table’s longer and there are more people at it?”. Yeah, true story.

Not to mention that this has been going on since Sunday. And you know when “the holidays” start? Saturday. At the earliest. That is a week of pre-holiday slackery. Even if the holidays should be no different, which I fully agree with, starting the nutritional/fitness downslide when I was working at getting back on track is no bueno.

Tomorrow: I own you for fueling better. That is my choice, regardless of what deliciousness people give me.
Saturday, I own you for a pre-Christmas dinner workout.
Sunday is fair game for whatever happens and not to think too hard about it.
Monday, boxing day shopping is a sporting event; resume regular programming, and rock this.

I got this.

—

Returning to old schools makes me very aware of the impending future. Today, I headed over to my old high school after work (right next door), an hour before I needed to be there to speak. I dropped my stuff off in the very dark room and made my way through the halls looking for familiar faces and to repeatedly answer the same questions for teachers, people who have played huge roles in helping me to learn and grow into who I am . . . “What are you doing now?” and “What are you planning to do?”

Two and a half years ago I was sitting in those desks. University seemed so far off, the career part of the future even farther. Two and a half years ago I thought I knew who I was; in reality I was as confused as ever. Two and a half years ago I was one of those students contemplating the big world outside those walls.

It makes me see what I’ve gained. But it also makes me wonder what I will have gained in two and a half years from now. I left high school and thought I had a plan. Then my plan changed. My plan still changes minute to minute; other than “probably still in school” I have no idea where I’ll be in two and a half years from now . . . Less idea than I thought I had two and a half years ago.

That scariness is part of the journey. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t thrive on it; I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t scary. But every single day I get closer to that answer. Every single day I know more. Every single day, things happen in a way that affect how I see the world and how I make choices. Every single day, I change as the world changes.

Every single day brings me closer to that answer.

And I wouldn’t trade this crazy journey for anything.

There are even more GOOD THINGS to come.

asthma / health + fitness / kinesiology / work

fantastic friday

• by kerri

This is the best I’ve felt in weeks.

This morning, I woke up and grabbed my inhaler has a completely different meaning.  I woke up, realized how fantastic I was feeling, and reached up to grab my Ventolin to pre-medicate for my first workout in over two weeks, instead of reaching for my inhaler to take the edge off gunky morning lungs.  I kept it short and light, covering 5.66 km in 25 minutes–the last thing I want to do is start going too hard too fast and end up back where I was two weeks ago and get sidelined again (I’m doing a vlog series right now called Working up to Working Out, chronicling my journey back to kicking ass, so feel free to check that out).  And I feel even better afterwards.

Following that I checked the MyBlackboard thing to see if our research papers for Issues in Sport had been graded yet (surprise surprise, nope. They were due November 18th. This would not bug me so much if I had grades for more than one of four reflections for the class also), and the icon under Promotion and Adherence caught my eye.  Course wrap-up message and final exam grades.  Bring on the seconds worth of anticipation when you can’t get the page to load fast enough, right?

The final exam was yesterday and our (unofficial) exam marks are posted (this has me wondering if Jay slept at all or just motored through them), and scored 84% . . . and if all stays as is, will have officially earned my first A- in university!  Needless to say, I am stoked, and that combined with how I left my Physical Activity and Aging exam feeling so positive on Wednesday night . . . well, it’s awesome.

And with that, and being a ball of energy, I am off to work — today is “Santa Day”, so it will be full of pizza and presents and staying at work until 8:30!

But also full of feeling positive, so hooray!

asthma / health + fitness

“doctor, doctor, diagnose the shit outta me . . .”

• by kerri

*I wrote the bulk of this on Thursday, hence why it says “today” instead of “yesterday”. No, I’m not going to edit it. Have to write in the moment, yes?*

So it pisses me off a bit that the last two times I’ve had scheduled doctor’s appointments [aka supposedly healthy visits] I’ve been a) flaring or b) sick.  My last appointment I had some sort of weird exercise-induced flare going on that just wouldn’t give in; and today I have the cold that’s gunking up my lungs and keeping me knocked in the yellow zone.  The cold is what is likely responsible for the whole burnout issue the other day–being sleep deprived, not breathing well, and awake by yourself at 3 AM can do crazy shit to your emotions.  Did my blog rant thing, bounced the thoughts off Natasha, and I’m back to my usual badassmatic self.

Minus the whole exercise component.

Because the resolution of today’s doctor’s appointment?  NO exercise until I’m back to baseline, stay out of the cold as much as possible, and start prednisone if I backslide or feel like I’m not getting better, and then for good measure she totally chased all that with some form of “listen to your body” lecture.  That’s a new one.  So suddenly she’s done some form of 180 on not only giving me fluffy lectures but also trusting me with the decision to start prednisone?  Who are you and what did you do to my doctor?  My history with her on the subject of prednisone was before that I needed to physically go in to see her before starting it so that she could listen to me not wheeze and tell me to start anyway, which I would just procrastinate until I thought I was getting better [because prednisone sucks for everything else except making you breathe better, and by the point you actually want to go on it just to breathe again you don’t care about the insomnia, the hunger/nausea combo, the hyperness, and whatever personal side effects you get from the evil candy [I’m lucky that other than the hyperness thing, I don’t get the ridiculous mood swings].  But nope, instead of a lecture about the all the ridiculous things pred can do to your body, I got off with the list of “No exercise, stay out of the cold, start pred if you need to, listen to your body” lecture. WHAT?

I think this woman is starting to get me.

Okay, for real, the whole paying attention to your body thing isn’t actually fluffy at all, and I totally use it with people when we’re discussing the whole exercise thing.  Except you know, stuff like Oprah made it fluffy.  Anyway, so that front, I’m usually okay on–totally get that whole bit in lecture at least once a term, so being in kinesiology is good for that.  The whole bit gets a whole lot more important when you’re mixing chronic disease, like asthma, in there, and are focusing on maintaining some form of fitness routine.  [RELATED: On the whole note of paying attention to your body, unlike in May ’10 when I brewed a lung infection for over a week before going in, COMPLETE with fever that I had no idea I had.  HELLO, it was May. I thought it was just getting hotter out, I had no idea that it was actually just my body that was screwed up.  So yes, maybe that lecture was justified as she may have recollected the whole issue of me not knowing I had a fever. Way to be out of touch with your own body much? Sheesh.]

So now it is legit today, so now you can switch your brain to think of today as Friday.

Today, I didn’t make good on the whole no exercise/no cold air thing.  Like 24 hours out of the whole deal I effed it up. Yeah for badassery?  I met my friend Kelly for coffee. We always meet at Starbucks . . . so I went. Turns out we were meeting at the nearby Tim’s.  So I had to haul down the street, which is usually no biggie.  So maybe my doctor is right on that.  Because I entered the mall sounding like I had some sort of plague, and people kept looking at me when I coughed as I walked through the mall to meet Kelly while simultaneously digging through my pockets for my inhaler.  So yeah, managed to screw a variety of things up, but at least I got a grande non-fat no whip peppermint mocha out of the deal, right? [Despite the whole non-fat no whip part I should probably give those up until I can work out again [as they are totally 280 calories and 59 grams of carbs. But only 3g of fat.  Compare that with a REGULAR grande peppermint mocha at 400 calories, 15 grams of fat, 60 grams of carbs and 12 grams of protein, you’re at least saving yourself 12 grams of fat (and 120 calories). Hooray!]

I don’t know where I’m going with this anymore, since I just went on a Starbucks nutrition tangent and all.

That’s what happens when a blog post spans over two days and also I need to sleep. So instead of trying to be coherent, I’ll close with one of my favourite WheezyWaiter videos that happens to be on the subject of doctors, and write about the second half of the appointment tomorrow.