12 of 12: april 2016

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1:12 am | kitchen. Felt like making something around 11:45. Still making something.

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1:19 am | kitchen. And this is where I stop for the night. Pleasantly surprised with how the hair is coming. (I’m responding to the “draw a song” art journal prompt I saw online, using Feels Like Forever by Lacey Sturm.)

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2:00 am | bedroom. Tweet – “1:58 am seems like a good time to buy the @Smiling_Mind book right? Yup. Now to use the app and go to sleep.”
I did not end up using the app before I went to sleep, but I did almost also buy the November Project book… I restrained myself.

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10:17 am | Perkins. Sam and I went to Perkins to plan practice, because my Starbucks card reload failed during the upgrade to #Crybucks Rewards. Starbucks is refunding it, but why would I go to Starbucks with it not resolved? So, Perkins. And these delightful crepe things filled with strawberries and cream cheese.

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12:23 pm | Kitchen. I should really just start saying office instead of kitchen. I started the process of checking off many things from my to-do list with “file taxes”. As you may recall, they’ve been done since March 12… Submitted.

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3:39 pm | Kitchen. After filing my taxes and scheduling my tooth extraction (being a grown up is AWESOME. Like I wrote the other day, I’ve got a cavity in a wisdom tooth so it gets to get pulled out. Which is better than getting it filled, really.) I got a 20 minute dance workout on. Except I did it wrong and ended with a peak heart rate… Poor music choices (actually due to the song linked above)…
Anyways, yeah, I then did another grown up activity and did some work, which involved writing a blog post about why warming up and cooling down is important, and how despite having a degree in kinesiology I’m not smart sometimes.

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6:54 pm | Special O. Sometimes, we play games like Capture the Chicken that the parents are more intense about it than the kids (it does get the athletes stoked though..!). Yes, this guy is also my sport medicine doctor. 😉

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 9:31 pm | kitchen. 4 things checked off the month’s to-do list today.

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9:49 pm | kitchen. This is my buddy Guide Dog Murray, aka Steve’s guide dog. You should vote for him in the Guide Dogs for the Blind photo contest. He’s raised $25 so far, because he’s cute (and because humans are nice).

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11:00 pm | kitchen. I had a bath, and then put on clean socks… except I have no idea why there is red on this clean sock or what it is… Obviously I was like whatever and did not like, put other socks on or anything. Maybe it’s from that string anklet I’ve got on, but I’ve had that on for, like, months.

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11:34 pm | kitchen. Classic. Cookies and milk. (There was another cookie but you don’t expect me to, like, save them both to take a picture of, right?)

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12:38 am | kitchen. Technically no longer the 12th. But still within 24 hours and back to creating stuff. Because it’s like, therapeutic or something.

“and what do i know . . . what do i know of holy?”

and what do i know? / what do i know of holy?

–what do i know of holy?, addison road

Holy. In both the spiritual and exclamatory forms of the word.

I have never been a fan of Evanescence. I had a couple friends in high school who were big into Evanescence, and I just didn’t dig them. Which is fine, but sometimes I just want so hard to like stuff related to music.  And then one Sunday we sang Bring Me to Life in church. And I was a little more open. I like when songs that were popular music can also align into a worship experience because they are not scary and preachy.  And then Bring Me to Life got on my iPod, and I danced to it. Not only is dance one of my favourite workouts, but I love that it can be such a spiritual experience, realigning my body, my heart and my spirit by letting my mind free.

And then I wanted more.

So this? This is so close to being so much of my story in a song that I didn’t write, much like Much Like Falling and Red Sam by Flyleaf.

i tried to kill my pain / but only brought more / so much more / i lay dying / and i’m pouring crimson regret and betrayal

i’m dying, praying, bleeding and screaming / am i too lost to be saved? / am i too lost?

my God, my tourniquet / return to me salvation / my God, my tourniquet / return to me salvation

do You remember me? / lost for so long. / will You be on the other side, or will You forget me?

i long to die

my wounds cry for the grave / my soul cries for deliverance / will i be denied?

Christ, tourniquet, my suicide

–tourniquet, evanescence

 

It causes me to ask why. Why would my God keep going after me after I screwed so much up?  
So amazing.
Holy.

Jesus said to all of them, “If people want to follow me, they must give up the things they want. They must be willing to give up their lives daily to follow me. Those who want to save their lives will give up true life. But those who give up their lives for Me will have true life.

Luke 9:23-24 [NCV]

I was not too lost. We are never too lost.