change your thoughts and you change your world

–norman vincent peale

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, even before this quote came into my life.

We define our own variables, our own thoughts, our own worlds.

We have the power to choose how we think about things in our lives, whether those things are positive or negative.  We have the chose to determine whether we are going to be broken down by these things, these circumstances, or if we are going to use them to build ourselves up, and perhaps in turn, use the change in ourselves to build the people around us up.

We can choose to reach farther and climb over the obstacles, or we can choose to freeze in a wave of self-doubt and be stopped by them.  There is no limit to how long we could stay frozen, but any length of time is keeping us from truly experiencing what we were created to do, and wasting precious moments of which we will never have enough.  How we see our world is nobody’s choice but our own, and because of this we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for.  Every single decision we make and every goal we strive to reach, whether it seems small or seems big, affects us in a huge way.

the ripple effect is too good not to mention / if you’re not affected, you’re not paying attention / it’s too good not to have an effect

–rogues, incubus

We have the choice to change our thoughts to change our worlds.

Don’t compromise. Go get it.

Over the last six years, 12 of 12 has been graciously hosted by its creator, Chad Darnell. though Chad is moving on, I am grateful for his creativity and willingness to host our links over the years and give us an awesome project to tackle once-a-month. Thank you, Chad!

On the 12th of each month, a bunch of bloggers from around the world take 12 pictures throughout the day.  Here are my pictures for December 12th, 2011!


11:27 am – sidewalk. Our passports are expired, I think, so we went to get our passport pictures redone.  Not that I look a ton different, but my last picture was from when I was fifteen, so guess I’m due for a bit of an update.  I have an incredibly hard time not smiling in the darn things.


11:34 am – photography place. Passport photo dude’s studio is also part collector’s store, which featured, along with sort of creepy Mario, a large TV playing The Doctors.  Also I yelled at Jillian Michaels about some sort of crap advice she gave.  Soon-ish-to-be kinesiologists are allowed to do this, right?  Am I a kinesiologist if I have yet to graduate?  I’m not sure.


11:36 am – photography place. Smithers action figure!


11:37 am – KUNG FU PANDA! Made me think of my friend Mike :]


11:41 pm – photography place. I kind of want this, is that ridiculous especially considering I’m a vegetarian? Though the burger looks sad :(.


12:52 pm – road. New extension, how exciting.  (Can you believe this is midday? So dark-ish.)


12:56 pm – practicum. Can I still call it practicum if my practicum is totally over, as is the course associated with the practicum?  I went back to my practicum place and helped the rec therapist, Tracy, wrap Christmas presents for the tenants! Was super stoked to be back, considering I keep having to tell her I can’t make it to things and ti makes me sad!


2:36 pm – Lindee’s. Turns out I forgot my phone and iPod at my grandparents’ house [we went there for lunch], so I had to go to my aunt’s house [next door to my practicum place and which I have a key for!] to call my mom to pick me up. I am so smart, S-M-R-T.  Can you guess what this is?


3:15 pm – bedroom. HOORAY!  Got home to see a giant package in my mailbox, which happens to be the ACSM’s Exercise Management for Persons With Chronic Diseases and Disabilities textbook that I ordered via The Book Depository about a week and a half ago. I had no idea it would arrive so fast.  Also, I definitely ordered this for fun and not for school, and it is fascinating. Because I am a giant nerd! :] (Also, currently reading for Lance Armstrong’s it’s Not About the Bike for the second or third time.)


5:15 pm – kitchen. Passport picture.  Is it mandatory to dislike these things? No-glasses weirdness!  DEFINITELY better than my old one though! [ . . . not only am I sporting the TWLOHA shirt on my student ID, I will apparently be sporting it on my passport to some degree for the next five years].


7:29 pm – kitchen. About to have a Skype meeting [read: party] with Dia, in which we try to do work and usually end up not doing work. Also we contemplate taking off and rolling with this project we’re on for our legitimate jobs [except we kind of both love our legitimate jobs too much, and there is the issue that I have to finish school].  It would likely involve kinesiology, road tripping and documentary shenanigans or something equally fabulous.



9:30 pm – kitchen. And back to the study train, yeah? Final final on Friday. It will be another fabulous day when this term is over!

12 of 12 is a project created by Chad Darnell, Though this is the last official Chad-hosted 12 of 12, I hope to see you all come 2012!

It took me until the other day to realize that I have been ignoring God for . . . probably since the high wore off after getting back from working at camp or something.

There are times when my longing to know more and to dig deeper through worship are intense. And then the series of those moments end.  I slip back into my life, my routine and my apathy. These moments grow further and farther between.  I tried to pray last night . . . and I couldn’t remember the last time I prayed.  And by tried to, I mean that I can’t even remember if I got to amen. The youth retreat had me ignited in worship; shaking as I opened up Psalms and found a verse that encapsulated my journey with God perfectly.

And yet, through all of that, through this whole journey that cannot be an accident, through all of the things I am thankful for, I am ignoring God and am apathetic about this. I am stuck. I am here, in this space, with all I have, and not reaching towards what I need.  I have no doubts in this: I need God.

The fact that I am even writing this leads me to believe I am reaching for more. That I want more than this at this current moment–that I want to be deeper with God.  The other part of me though? It continues to resist, to push away, to try to hide.  The other part of me: the remnants of my fourteen-year-old self.  The girl who thinks she can go it alone, yet at the same time knows deep down that she can’t.  The girl whose heart is only beating because of God but she hasn’t yet fully come to terms with that.  Still.  After six years.  Because in all these years, I am distant more than I am close. I take for granted my own story–God’s story.

And I don’t know what to do or where to go. I only know where I am; and some days that isn’t so clear either.  I am not my own.

Yet I cannot relinquish that control.  Cannot submit fully.  Cannot reach forward even though I know His arms are open.  Cannot move.

. . . And cannot understand it.

and i live just around here
and i sleep just around here
and i wake up every day
and my feet hit the floor 
in exactly the same place
and i wake up every day
with poison in my head
behind exactly the same face
and tell me will i stay
with my feet in exactly the same place?

empty’s theme park, matthew good

This is the best I’ve felt in weeks.

This morning, I woke up and grabbed my inhaler has a completely different meaning.  I woke up, realized how fantastic I was feeling, and reached up to grab my Ventolin to pre-medicate for my first workout in over two weeks, instead of reaching for my inhaler to take the edge off gunky morning lungs.  I kept it short and light, covering 5.66 km in 25 minutes–the last thing I want to do is start going too hard too fast and end up back where I was two weeks ago and get sidelined again (I’m doing a vlog series right now called Working up to Working Out, chronicling my journey back to kicking ass, so feel free to check that out).  And I feel even better afterwards.

Following that I checked the MyBlackboard thing to see if our research papers for Issues in Sport had been graded yet (surprise surprise, nope. They were due November 18th. This would not bug me so much if I had grades for more than one of four reflections for the class also), and the icon under Promotion and Adherence caught my eye.  Course wrap-up message and final exam grades.  Bring on the seconds worth of anticipation when you can’t get the page to load fast enough, right?

The final exam was yesterday and our (unofficial) exam marks are posted (this has me wondering if Jay slept at all or just motored through them), and scored 84% . . . and if all stays as is, will have officially earned my first A- in university!  Needless to say, I am stoked, and that combined with how I left my Physical Activity and Aging exam feeling so positive on Wednesday night . . . well, it’s awesome.

And with that, and being a ball of energy, I am off to work — today is “Santa Day”, so it will be full of pizza and presents and staying at work until 8:30!

But also full of feeling positive, so hooray!

I love good quotes.  I’m sure in some sort of way this stems from my fifth-grade self and my obsession with the Amazing Days of Abby Hayes books (related: I basically wanted to be her with her awesome purple pens and purple journal notebook and quotes and writing all the time. Okay aside from being a fictional character with a purple pen and notebook, I was totally all over the rest of that statement).  Basically, even when my writing all the time phase died out (I go through phases; getting back into that), the whole massive love for epic snippets other people’s writing stayed with me, making my Tumblr full of quotes and my Facebook Philosophy quotes section rather long!

I love Mike‘s Mirror Mantras, but could never remember to change my quote weekly when I tried.  So in a sort of similar fashion, I load my whiteboard up with these, and update as needed:

Got some unknowns, some Foo Fighters (I’m obsessed with song lyrics and totally have been since I was like nine), some Jay, some Dr. Alan R. Zimmerman and some stuff from my own brain pulling me through!