even stumbling is moving forward

I spent a good quarter of my time in university learning about how you shouldn’t make too many life changes at once. (I spent another quarter in anatomy or stressing out about anatomy, another quarter dropping classes possibly due to the unknown learning disability and ADHD, and the last quarter probably actually “focused”. This is not an accurate, nor mathematical, representation of university for me.) Yet, here I am, doing just that, because FULL SPEED AHEAD is the only way I know how to go.

So here I am. 13 days into logging with MyFitnessPal. That is nearly TWO WEEKS people, that’s an accomplishment.
I’ve opened up the Coach.Me app again last night and set up some goal in there—go for a walk twice a week, exercise three days a week, meditate daily, pray daily, and write a blog post [here] weekly (hi!). 

And today, I went for a walk. Just to the mailbox, to send a letter to my Member of Parliament. Have I mentioned I’ve gotten all politically engaged since we last spoke in depth? This is not actually a byproduct of that but still, could be why I was more interested in the Asthma Society’s Hill Day stuff in the end. Honestly, it’s a wonder to me that given the state of this world and our neighbours to the south, how the eff people can ignore this! I digress (but likely not forever, and would be happy to grab a [decaf] [not-]coffee with you and discuss. And also I am thinking about going back to school to do political science and no I don’t actually know what’s currently wrong with me.)

This is not significant. The walk, I mean. It was hot (27-feels-like-29 and heat and I are not friends—my lungs and my whole body) and slow and except whatever I GOT OUT THERE.

http://i1.wp.com/farm5.staticflickr.com/4205/34318584353_db5f886ced.jpg?resize=500%2C500&ssl=1

Because here’s the thing. I have to start all over again. And so I am. I downloaded some bodyweight exercise app to my phone even. I’m LOOKING AT my Fitbit. Quantified self is one of those things that’s sort of engrained in my being one way or another so I need to USE that data. 

If a slow, 17 minute walk is all I get, guess what? It’s better than nothing.
If a three minute meditation before I go to sleep is all I do, guess what? I’ve started.
If prayer is a jumbled mess of words or a poem or “hey Jesus”? Yeah, my God knows where I’m at, even before I do.
If I don’t eat with any semblance of decency (or even if I’m closer than I usually am but still totally imperfect) but I am at least mindful of that, guess what? I’m one step closer.
If I start to write a blog post and I write “Listening to my body. Means. Going to sleep. Instead of writing.” and close my laptop, yes, I have figured something out. At least this time.
And if I admit all of this to you in a blog post? I’ve written the blog post. And hopefully, you’ll join me in stumbling towards those goals you think are too big, too hard, the things you think you’ll be imperfect at. Feel free to join me in the imperfection, learning the things they can’t teach in school.

Or at least watch along—because even stumbling is moving forward. 

12 of 12: april 2016

http://i1.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1700/26350455201_2910852368.jpg?resize=375%2C500&ssl=1

1:12 am | kitchen. Felt like making something around 11:45. Still making something.

http://i0.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1502/25811790574_48f890a7fd.jpg?resize=500%2C375&ssl=1

1:19 am | kitchen. And this is where I stop for the night. Pleasantly surprised with how the hair is coming. (I’m responding to the “draw a song” art journal prompt I saw online, using Feels Like Forever by Lacey Sturm.)

http://i2.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1602/25811787304_fac24a4b91.jpg?resize=281%2C500&ssl=1

2:00 am | bedroom. Tweet – “1:58 am seems like a good time to buy the @Smiling_Mind book right? Yup. Now to use the app and go to sleep.”
I did not end up using the app before I went to sleep, but I did almost also buy the November Project book… I restrained myself.

http://i0.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1445/26324493342_4735e0831f.jpg?resize=375%2C500&ssl=1

10:17 am | Perkins. Sam and I went to Perkins to plan practice, because my Starbucks card reload failed during the upgrade to #Crybucks Rewards. Starbucks is refunding it, but why would I go to Starbucks with it not resolved? So, Perkins. And these delightful crepe things filled with strawberries and cream cheese.

http://i0.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1612/26143790340_71e5641e6a.jpg?resize=375%2C500&ssl=1

12:23 pm | Kitchen. I should really just start saying office instead of kitchen. I started the process of checking off many things from my to-do list with “file taxes”. As you may recall, they’ve been done since March 12… Submitted.

http://i1.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1679/26350455511_fc2867bc72.jpg?resize=500%2C288&ssl=1

3:39 pm | Kitchen. After filing my taxes and scheduling my tooth extraction (being a grown up is AWESOME. Like I wrote the other day, I’ve got a cavity in a wisdom tooth so it gets to get pulled out. Which is better than getting it filled, really.) I got a 20 minute dance workout on. Except I did it wrong and ended with a peak heart rate… Poor music choices (actually due to the song linked above)…
Anyways, yeah, I then did another grown up activity and did some work, which involved writing a blog post about why warming up and cooling down is important, and how despite having a degree in kinesiology I’m not smart sometimes.

http://i1.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1470/25813850503_bfb0a6de4e.jpg?resize=500%2C375&ssl=1

6:54 pm | Special O. Sometimes, we play games like Capture the Chicken that the parents are more intense about it than the kids (it does get the athletes stoked though..!). Yes, this guy is also my sport medicine doctor. 😉

http://i1.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1542/25813852283_8ee018fc76.jpg?resize=375%2C500&ssl=1

 9:31 pm | kitchen. 4 things checked off the month’s to-do list today.

http://i0.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1660/26324298112_696dea8bbd.jpg?resize=375%2C500&ssl=1

9:49 pm | kitchen. This is my buddy Guide Dog Murray, aka Steve’s guide dog. You should vote for him in the Guide Dogs for the Blind photo contest. He’s raised $25 so far, because he’s cute (and because humans are nice).

http://i0.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1462/25813855973_764b30e162.jpg?resize=375%2C500&ssl=1

11:00 pm | kitchen. I had a bath, and then put on clean socks… except I have no idea why there is red on this clean sock or what it is… Obviously I was like whatever and did not like, put other socks on or anything. Maybe it’s from that string anklet I’ve got on, but I’ve had that on for, like, months.

http://i1.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1457/26144312150_b98820965d.jpg?resize=375%2C500&ssl=1

11:34 pm | kitchen. Classic. Cookies and milk. (There was another cookie but you don’t expect me to, like, save them both to take a picture of, right?)

http://i0.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1462/26350988821_a5b9e19d96.jpg?resize=375%2C500&ssl=1

12:38 am | kitchen. Technically no longer the 12th. But still within 24 hours and back to creating stuff. Because it’s like, therapeutic or something.

self-care september.

From Wikipedia:

self care is any necessary human regulatory function which is under individual control, deliberate and self-initiated.
A theme I intersect with time and time again is that of intention -> action. For nearly four years now, I’ve struggled with actually achieving the things I’ve wanted to, and been cognizant of that, of the concept above.
Because “good intentions fill my life, but they’re not good enough.” (Life’s Passing Me By, Addison Road)
Repeatedly, intentional self-care is a thing that I neglect. I wrote about it again semi-recently: nutrition, exercise, writing, mindfulness, slowing down and appreciating even the slow moments.
Last year, I tried out (unsuccessfully) Self Tracking October. And back in early August, I began to percolate on Self Care September. (Big difference!)
Except, there will be low stress in blogging it. Because that wouldn’t really be at all conducive to my overall wellbeing, no?

Untitled

I’m not blogging everyday, most likely. But, there’s a framework for if/when I do blog if I lack ideas. Because that’s been common as of late. I’m thinking on a pseudo-schedule for theming days (but I’m not sure. You know, something along the lines of Thankful Thursday and Music Monday and #SelfCareSunday and Writing Wednesday and that sort of jazz). The Wikipedia article also notes self-care as an important part of managing chronic disease—don’t I know it, even if I don’t think about it this way. It’ll be something, among the many things, that I work at reframing my perspective of this month. September will, I hope, be a kickstarter to doing the things I want to accomplish—because I may have ADHD to contend with too, but that’s not stopping me. Look, the dude who invented IKEA did that with ADHD, okay?
How did I start out September?
  • I started writing this at 12:56 AM, laying in bed, while characteristically not following through on my plans to “go to bed at a reasonable time”
  • I slept 8 hours and 46 minutes (98% efficiency per SleepCycle)
  • I cleaned my AeroChamber for the first time in maybe a year? [Ick…]
  • I walked to the store and bought things for organizing my room (a work in progress)
  • I talked to a friend going through a pretty stressful time on the phone the walk; I ran into my former boss at the dollar store and we’re doing breakfast in a few weeks.
  • I focused harder on the words in the music I was listening to—and shared it with a friend who I thought it might resonate with.
  • I hit my 7500 step goal on Fitbit (I decreased it from 10K awhile back because what’s the point of a goal that you never hit?)
  • I actually ate vegetables at lunch today (in the form of minestrone soup, but hey, it was homemade)
  • I learned how to empty the lint trap of the dryer. (Lint is weird, y’all)
  • I listened to a livestream concert and book reading by Jenny Simmons as she released her new [non-kickstarter!] book today. Re-reading The Road to Becoming is again on my list for September.
  • I prayed for the first time in probably months alongside Jenny and those attending the livestream concert tonight. And it felt like something.
  • I signed a contract for a new blogging gig (that I’ll tell you guys about soon!)
  • I wrote this, I did some writing for the IDentityDoctor blog, and intend to do another half hour of some sort of writing project before I go to bed today.
  • I’m not sure I checked anything off of my to-do list, but, I got one-eigteenth of an item done. Progress is progress.
Writing this down is just one more step towards getting where I want to be. Because all of these things fit into some category of the concept we call wellness–these things can, should, and now, because I am reflecting on them, do mean something to me today. They mean I’m not letting today pass me by.
I feel like I started today off fairly strong. I’m interested in seeing where the rest of the month goes. Especially as I try to pay more attention to what’s around me–and how that affects what’s going on inside me, and how I respond to it.
In September: I want to use more moments fully–embrace them. I want to write more words and take more pictures and meditate and exercise and sing and dance. I want to hug and laugh and cry with people and share in and appreciate their stories. I want to know myself better by feeling better and feeling more and sharing more and doing more, but finding balance in that. I want to appreciate the world around me more fully; have a few more coffee dates with Jesus like I used to, and be more connected.
Through being intentional, through self-care, I want to find the pieces of myself I’ve misplaced in the chaos. I am to start something this September that lasts far beyond these 30 days…

quantify this thursday: fitbit one vs. pebble + misfit

I’ve been using the Fitbit for several years now, but when I got my Pebble, I threw the Misfit app on there to see how it fared (the Pebble can’t use more than one activity tracker at a time, or I can guarantee you I’d have tried something else on there to see if it trended similarly to Misfit!)

Now, yes, clearly I like that my step count for the month on Fitbit (5.19K) is 29% higher (if I did that math right, yes sometimes I struggle to use a calculator) than that on Misfit (3.67K)–152,000 steps is kind of a lot (some of which potentially accounted for within the five days that the Misfit/Pebble combo just apparently mostly gave up, and then slowly rose back to life? Note that I’ve definitely worn my Pebble every day since getting it, so it’ not like I left it laying on the bathroom counter to not count anything for a day while my Fitbit did stuff.

It’s important to note, though, that at some point I did realize there was a setting on the Misfit app to specify where you’re wearing the device. Not, however, that it became any closer to the Fitbit numbers. What’s more accurate? Well, nothing will say for sure, but a quick google lead me to Neil at Spoken Like a Geek, who noted:

I ran a small test where I recorded the step count on both devices before taking 130 steps and the recording the counts again. [… I]n this very unscientific test the Fitbit was spot on and the Pebble  [was] out by a factor of 35%.

And, note that I had no idea that Neil had run this similar comparison–his trend line is a lot smoother/has a bit more predictable of a flow than mine has. EDIT: Note that Neil was using the Fitbit Flex, thus both trackers were wrist worn. I keep my Pebble on my left wrist, and my Fitbit One on my right hip (pocket), which could account for some variance. I’ll probably run this experiment again (when I don’t have a significant gap of data), and I’d also like to add a third set of data for the steps collected directly from the iPhone (…and be very intentional about keeping my phone on me for the duration of the experiment, because today for example, I had a phone call vibe-ing away on my Pebble and I could not remember where my phone was.)

Additionally, this proves I need to move a lot more. I did try the standing desk thing the other day for a bit, but given that I was using some folding stool from IKEA with my MacBook, it was not a super ergonomic setup [which is my general experience at these things given that I am 5’2″ and thus even when I eventually attempt to build a less makeshift standing desk, the instructions for people who are 6’+ are less than helpful and I am, as we discovered above, not good at math and 5’2″. At the very least, if I’m already standing I’m just more prone to wandering a bit more or breaking out into dance on occasion–the effect on my productivity will be questionable, however.

slingshot saturday: ten links from around the web.

In one way or another, I’ll be using Saturdays to look back—whether it’s on goals I’ve made and progress towards them, recapturing the past month, on music that I’ve been digging, anything goes.
 
Today’s Slingshot Saturday will take us back to some links from the past week. [It was the week we all started having to write 2015 on stuff, so good links were both easy AND difficult to find].
  • The Massive Fitness Trend That’s Not Actually Healthy At All. Thanks to the real-talk of Greatist for this gem on “the militarization of fitness” and why it’s not a good thing. (That’s right… Let’s ALL embrace not puking at the gym… Lactic acid craziness does not go hand in hand with a good workout, resolutionists.)
  • Real-world doctors fact check Dr. Oz, and the results aren’t pretty. Yes, those of us immersed into this scene could have told you this years ago about the fairytale land Oz is living in (and The Doctors)—I just hope this information is adequately getting to the general public.
    You know how you’re not supposed to believe everything you read on the internet? That goes for TV, too—even more-so, maybe.
     
  • About that mom who’s not bragging about her kid. As a young adult with learning and attention issues, parts of this article definitely resonated with me: while I struggle sometimes with not being as proficient with a variety of things as I’d like—both now and in the past—this article really hit home for me about maybe what my mom was thinking in certain conversations with people at times, especially when I was in university. That’s right, if anything, this can intensify after high-school graduation.
     
  • A Step Forward. A blog post by my friend Mike at My Diabetic Heart that is definitely worth reading if you have or care for someone with chronic disease: it’s hard to be perfect, and sometimes it’s the outward-seeming smallest steps that can get us back to focusing on better.
  • Jeremy Kyle: Who Stole my iPhone. Much like Maury Povich is to America, Jeremy Kyle is really just a far more amusing [to me] version, except from England. My friend Simi and I watch Jeremy Kyle via YouTube late-ish at night (for me) and early in the morning (for her in England, thus her knowledge on Jeremy Kyle). Related: “Which of my children stole my bingo winnings?”

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!