Now that I’ve started using Bullet Journaling to try to organize my life (post on that to come), I seem to have begun tackling (or at least scheduling to tackle) a few big projects for April.

First, you’ll be seeing me more here. I’ve got a schedule (!) mapped out for the month, although this post is already not the post I said I’d write today (because, duh, it’s me). 

I’ve also decided to take another plunge into Camp Nanowrimo (aka National Novel Writing Month, aka trying to write a 50000 word novel in 30 days—like, nonsense, really!). I made it like 26% or something last time, so, I’m curious if I actually will succeed this time (this will be proof of the magic of the Bullet Journal). I’m trying a different story that will hopefully not get me as bogged down in researching very specific things (because I am great at that—distraction FTW). With a few travel days on the agenda for April as well, I’m trying to do 2000 words per day on that project… and that’s just one component of my writing life. I’m going to need to get this standing desk setup rolling, stat.

And, this is on top of a few other blog contract gigs, coaching, and my other regular life. It’s mildly ambitious, but hey, I’ve made a timetable (!) for my life (!) and it still has, theoretically, plenty of free time. And workouts scheduled. And… Oh, God, what am I doing here?

Oh well, let’s give it a shot.

It’s on, April.

https://i0.wp.com/farm2.staticflickr.com/1526/25568127973_637206557d.jpg?resize=375%2C500&ssl=1

PS. The snow has already melted twice, yet it’s supposed to snow again today. 

PPS. None of this is an April Fool’s.

PPPS. I love WestJet

I’m not a resolutionist for the simple reason is that I don’t think resolutions help to build habits. People get off to a great start or a bad start and often that sets the tone for the year—at some point, I read on Forbes.com that only 8% of people accomplish their new years resolutions. And I’d probably definitely be in the 92% that doesn’t. (Look, I’m not being a defeatist here, just honest.)

Simplicity.

Simplicity is the intention here. Akin to the final notes of 2015’s soundtrack, here’s what I’m aiming to accomplish in 2016—even if that takes me the next 362 days to sort-of get right.

1) Write with my hands more. 
I picked up a couple unlined Moleskines on sale at Home Outfitters on Boxing Day. Since January 1, I’ve been trying to write daily, even if just a few lines (or, not lines. I’m hoping to be freed by the totally blank pages. 

Not that I consistently write on lines or anything. Overrated.

2) Read 40 books.
It’s a little more realistic than 75. In progress—new for 2016—Freak the Mighty by Rodman Philbrick and an advance review copy of a book called Millersville by Brendan Detzner.

3) That self-care/mindfulness/exercise/wellness thing.

4) Create.
Even if that’s just colouring, or writing more (even typing). In some fashion, I want to aim to write (non-work-things) for 20 minutes a day—at least. Goes back to the “just start” thing.

5) Engage more on Twitter.
Sometimes it seems like it’s counter productive to have a goal to engage more with people on social media, but you know what? I think I engaged a lot less that year, and realized repeatedly how much I missed it. So, the Twitter part of my heart is getting some focus. 🙂

That’s it.

Keeping it simple—God knows I’ll complicate stuff in other ways. Let’s go.

From Wikipedia:

self care is any necessary human regulatory function which is under individual control, deliberate and self-initiated.
A theme I intersect with time and time again is that of intention -> action. For nearly four years now, I’ve struggled with actually achieving the things I’ve wanted to, and been cognizant of that, of the concept above.
Because “good intentions fill my life, but they’re not good enough.” (Life’s Passing Me By, Addison Road)
Repeatedly, intentional self-care is a thing that I neglect. I wrote about it again semi-recently: nutrition, exercise, writing, mindfulness, slowing down and appreciating even the slow moments.
Last year, I tried out (unsuccessfully) Self Tracking October. And back in early August, I began to percolate on Self Care September. (Big difference!)
Except, there will be low stress in blogging it. Because that wouldn’t really be at all conducive to my overall wellbeing, no?

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I’m not blogging everyday, most likely. But, there’s a framework for if/when I do blog if I lack ideas. Because that’s been common as of late. I’m thinking on a pseudo-schedule for theming days (but I’m not sure. You know, something along the lines of Thankful Thursday and Music Monday and #SelfCareSunday and Writing Wednesday and that sort of jazz). The Wikipedia article also notes self-care as an important part of managing chronic disease—don’t I know it, even if I don’t think about it this way. It’ll be something, among the many things, that I work at reframing my perspective of this month. September will, I hope, be a kickstarter to doing the things I want to accomplish—because I may have ADHD to contend with too, but that’s not stopping me. Look, the dude who invented IKEA did that with ADHD, okay?
How did I start out September?
  • I started writing this at 12:56 AM, laying in bed, while characteristically not following through on my plans to “go to bed at a reasonable time”
  • I slept 8 hours and 46 minutes (98% efficiency per SleepCycle)
  • I cleaned my AeroChamber for the first time in maybe a year? [Ick…]
  • I walked to the store and bought things for organizing my room (a work in progress)
  • I talked to a friend going through a pretty stressful time on the phone the walk; I ran into my former boss at the dollar store and we’re doing breakfast in a few weeks.
  • I focused harder on the words in the music I was listening to—and shared it with a friend who I thought it might resonate with.
  • I hit my 7500 step goal on Fitbit (I decreased it from 10K awhile back because what’s the point of a goal that you never hit?)
  • I actually ate vegetables at lunch today (in the form of minestrone soup, but hey, it was homemade)
  • I learned how to empty the lint trap of the dryer. (Lint is weird, y’all)
  • I listened to a livestream concert and book reading by Jenny Simmons as she released her new [non-kickstarter!] book today. Re-reading The Road to Becoming is again on my list for September.
  • I prayed for the first time in probably months alongside Jenny and those attending the livestream concert tonight. And it felt like something.
  • I signed a contract for a new blogging gig (that I’ll tell you guys about soon!)
  • I wrote this, I did some writing for the IDentityDoctor blog, and intend to do another half hour of some sort of writing project before I go to bed today.
  • I’m not sure I checked anything off of my to-do list, but, I got one-eigteenth of an item done. Progress is progress.
Writing this down is just one more step towards getting where I want to be. Because all of these things fit into some category of the concept we call wellness–these things can, should, and now, because I am reflecting on them, do mean something to me today. They mean I’m not letting today pass me by.
I feel like I started today off fairly strong. I’m interested in seeing where the rest of the month goes. Especially as I try to pay more attention to what’s around me–and how that affects what’s going on inside me, and how I respond to it.
In September: I want to use more moments fully–embrace them. I want to write more words and take more pictures and meditate and exercise and sing and dance. I want to hug and laugh and cry with people and share in and appreciate their stories. I want to know myself better by feeling better and feeling more and sharing more and doing more, but finding balance in that. I want to appreciate the world around me more fully; have a few more coffee dates with Jesus like I used to, and be more connected.
Through being intentional, through self-care, I want to find the pieces of myself I’ve misplaced in the chaos. I am to start something this September that lasts far beyond these 30 days…

Good morning, April.

[That sounds like I’m writing to a person instead of a month.]

Somehow, this morning I was out of bed by 8:45—miraculous, really, as I shut down SleepCycle at 8:32. I proceeded to eat a chocolate chip cookie, and sit down and write 555 words. By 10:30 AM. While still wearing yoga pants. 

I’ve just smashed a theory here, people. My theory was “I can’t be productive if I’m wearing sweat pants.” (Unless per chance yoga pants are a magically productive form of sweat pants?).

Through university, I also had this thing in my head where I could not wear sweatpants to class unless obviously a) I was in the gym for class, b) I had a lab (which would have amounted to either a physical activity related lab OR anatomy lab. Anything goes in anatomy lab, really.) or, on very few occasions, c) I was sick (and by sick, I mean actually sick—like on prednisone sick, or I-went-to-class-the-day-after-emergency-surgery sick. Not “Real People Sick”). Sweat pants were also allowed in exams, of course.  Except the one time for my Sport Psychology exam (my last ever exam) where I wore my Boston Marathon jersey from Steve and tried to wear sweat pants but that was actually too comfortable, so I put jeans on before I even left the house. Can’t be too comfortable in an exam—the Boston jersey had just enough proper vibe for sport psych. (This was also the exam where I got a whole freaking classroom to myself because of accommodations, except unlike the usual testing rooms, it had windows. I’m sure I stared out them for a bit.)

Anyways, it’s Camp Nanowrimo time, and I am (as I was in November) trying to complete Nanowrimo. 10K words in 30 days. (Completing Nanowrimo is called winning. Except as I learned in sport psychology, and other classes, survey says kids say that having fun is more important than winning, so I plan to have fun?). Perhaps to add to the success is being in Camp Nanowrimo Cabin with 11 others attempting to write young adult books this month.

Maybe if I get ambitious (and keep up the momentum towards 1,667 words per day), I should Blog Every Day April along with NaNoWriMo. Too much? Probably. Though last night’s post did go up at 12 AM, so I’ve actually done two posts today.

things are looking up, oh finally.
i thought i’d never see the day
when you’d smile at me
we always pull through,
oh when we try.
i’m always wrong but,
you’re never right.

I have said before that I am often more content when I am on the road, away from home, than when I am here, in this nucleus of familiarity.
What happens, though, if the road gets familiar? The road feels like home. The lostness increases yet, is no longer lostness but foundness?

honestly, can you believe,
we crossed the world while it’s asleep?
i’d never trade it in,
‘cause i’ve always wanted this and
it’s not a dream anymore,
it’s worth fighting for.

My life has recently started making a bit more sense. I have work—and more impending work—and travel plans and a slightly straighter direction for my ambition. At least in the next two months with the road/the air in my future. I can no longer linger in my distraction, yet channel that energy into creative pursuits: writing, being, creating. Creating my life.

could have given up so easily
i was a few cheap shots away
from the end of me.
taking for granted most everything
that i would have died for
just yesterday

I feel like I write about the same things all the time—and I think, to an extent, I have been for longer than I have really realized.

we age more slowly when we move quickly versus standing still.

John Green 

Writing on the problem, the frustration, the constraint of stillness—of routine, of not embracing chaos. Lostness is chaos. Movement—or lack-there-of. I’ve reiterated—recently—about lostness. The joy, specifically in the past, of being on the road—or in the air. The chaos of losing much, if not all, routine.

The chaos is beautiful.

Because there is nothing to anticipate when you are lost, beyond becoming found. Lostness is uncharted territory. Unfortunately, it is also not sustainable—or, not self-sustainable. Eventually, you become found in lostness. It’s chaos no longer welcoming. I don’t want to get to that point.

I want to keep moving. Forward. Dynamically. (I suppose static moves as well, just it doesn’t go anywhere. The current does, but the static itself does not.)

I spent the evening watching a season of Roadtrip Nation. One time, my friend Tara said her sister wanted to have the experience of living in a van. Well, an RV is kind of like a giant van [sort of. If you are creative or squint or whatever]. Since that point, I shared that desire. Because that sounds awesome.

[…] we’re just getting started.

looking up, paramore.

There is a certain chaos associated with being on the road. [And, to a different sort of chaotic vibe, in airports. And in the fact that airplanes involve people being in the sky.]

Opportunity is finding its way to me, perhaps. But I feel like I am standing still. I need to find my way to it. And the typical road maps to that aren’t working anymore. So where do I find the atypical ones? Maybe, in that confusion, in that chaos.

And I hope, to a deeper level, I can make that chaos a part of my future plans. In exploring this lostness, explore my world, too. I can dream. Maybe I’m only now realizing the truth of that statement.

I can dream.

And that can
become
something.