life / pandemic

day 67: six-feet-away birthday.

• by kerri

Here I am, twenty-nine.
I’ve not quite moved to “social distancing” proper yet—and I likely won’t for awhile. I’d say I’m still closer to something resembling self-isolating, but given I saw a friend today, outdoors, I’d not say I’m quite there still, either.

The pandemic birthday.
Michelle in Singapore and Elisheva in Israel sent birthday greetings before midnight. On Sunday, Guide Dog Murray came back to visit, so just after midnight I took him outside and we went to bed. I woke up to Murray sniffing my face, to more texts and Facebook posts and messages and tweets (and LinkedIn messages – I love y’all but that’s a weird function of LinkedIn?), and went back to sleep after taking the pup outside.

My aunt, Linda, gave me an ice cream maker last week – she could not wait any longer to give me my birthday present as she’s had it since like January. So I got up eventually, after cuddling with Murray on the bedroom floor (prepared nicely for him with foam puzzle mats, pillows and a blanket), and made ice cream.

Then I groomed Murray and brushed his teeth and made him all fancy puppy to see his Daddyface AKA Steve. 

The people who make it special
But first, lunch with my mom, grandma and other aunt, Karen.
We took Murray for his last visit of the visit (weird?), to have Subway and Jeanne Cake squares in my grandma’s back yard. I mean, Murray wasn’t having Subway or cake. The weather was perfect, though, and despite putting Murray on his long tie down he didn’t really go anywhere except briefly getting somewhat “stuck” (confused) under a picnic table, he didn’t really wander anywhere—as he tends to if he’s on a tie down.
We visited awhile, Murray got his goodbye pats, and then we went to take him home, with a detour to pick up Steve, wearing masks in the car, and going to the park for cupcakes (for Steve and I) and coffee (for my mom and Steve). Amusingly, I handed Murray’s leash back to Steve as we headed across the park, Steve using his cane, and as soon as we sat down he handed Murray’s leash back. Hello, isn’t this dog bored of Small Fry by now?

We ate cupcakes (second cake of the day), watched the geese (note: geese are terrifying), and saw the physical distancing enforcers wandering the park in their vests once. They didn’t talk to us as we sat on either end of a bench and on a lawn chair. Eventually, we put our masks back on and got in the car to take Steve and Murray home, thankful for the visit and having Murray over for 4.5 days to shift my focus from pandemic/work/Animal Crossing to a better set of Murray/work/Animal Crossing (and I think I played less Animal Crossing, honestly – in exchange for playing with actual doggo animal?)
It was one of the most “normal” things I’ve done in the last 3 months, a lovely visit with one of my favourite people and my favourite dog—and still, so, so abnormal. So abnormal I haven’t done those things for months. That I still haven’t gone into a store. That everyone is positioned so strategically, clearly differentiating couples and families and those who don’t live together.

I got home to find a text from Kayleen confirming I was home. At 6:55 – 15 minutes ahead of schedule – a bag from Stella’s Bakery appeared at my door, containing a piece of chocolate tort and a slice of chocolate cake. There was another, yes, another cake in my future so I held off, but damn, does getting cake from a friend delivered to your door make a person feel special! (I hope we are actually able to go places with a more reliable sense of safety for Kayleen’s birthday in August – even if we still have to stay 6 feet apart).

My aunt, Linda (of the ice cream maker gift!) came over for a visit, cake and home-made ice cream. (She also left with homemade strawberry sorbet – talk about a great gift, it’s been used twice already since I got it on Monday!). Cake #3 of the day was Jeanne cake but with strawberry curls. The cake was super cute, but I’ll admit the chocolate ones taste better. Also, a few hours after this I’ve eaten a few bites of cake #4, Stella’s torte, and cake #6, Stella’s chocolate cake, but I am still very full of other cake and also pizza despite it nearing midnight.

Oh yes, while my mother put candles in the cake, there was no lighting or blowing out of candles. Because honestly, why did it take a global pandemic for us all to figure out that eating a cake someone has breathed all over is kind of weird?  

While opening some gifts from my parents, Daryl called. This led to the delightful missed call of Daryl leaving his “lounge lizard” version of Happy Birthday on my voicemail, which I will tomorrow figure out how to rescue out of my phone somehow. Daryl’s mom and I share a birthday, and this year he got to sing for me on my birthday as he did for her for many years which is super special! Of course, this little surprise on my voicemail meant my mom also got to enjoy the recording, exclaiming “You have such NICE people!!”

Yes, I sure do, don’t I?

Looking… somewhere.
So. Twenty-nine.

I’m not at all sure what I’m looking for this year, or what it will bring. I do know twenty-eight led me to many amazing people and things, including Kayleen and working with Deb and Daryl. 

Given the state of the world right now, I’m certainly looking ahead but to an unclear spot on the horizon. I don’t know what this year will bring and I’m not going to try to guess. I hope for more stability. Twenty-eight was a pretty great year, and despite its uncertainties, I hope twenty-nine is similar, bringin friends new and old, new opportunities, and new puppies.
Okay, honestly, I’d be cool with more of the same puppies… or puppy.

ADHD + learning disabilities / life

ADHD meds, dogs, and kids who greatly underestimate my age: stories from today.

• by kerri

It seems like as good of a day as any to document the (partly strange) unfoldings of my life as they occurred today. 

1) Back to the old blog roots, I should first say I had my first pumpkin spice latte (iced, duh. But light ice.) of the season today. Honestly, while it was totally fine, I think there’s better stuff at Starbucks. But that still could be because they changed the pumpkin spice stuff all those years ago.

2) I had my annual visit with the psychiatrist for my ADHD meds today. She has moved her practice to her house and this is the first time I was there instead of the clinic. She once brought her dog to the clinic, but it turns out she has TWO DOGS and they have beds in the room she sees patients in, and when she told me to go have a seat in the room for the patients, I did not actually have a seat but went and crouched on the floor and visited the dog that was laying there all chill.

The other one seemed less chill about the whole thing, but also that was sort of nice because she was the greeting committee as soon as I walked in. Also as I left, I told my doctor about the 19 dogs I met while canvassing in the provincial election. Just in case she had any doubt I liked dogs, or anything.
But yeah, why is THIS the doctor I only have to see once a year? She has DOGS. 

3) I had a couple of phone meetings, which is a thing that happens when you work with people who live in BC, for a BC-based organization. (I am still pretty darn thankful they were like “hey, let’s ask this Manitoban to work with us”, because they are awesome.)

4) Here’s the weirdest story. As I was heading out for a NDP constituency meeting tonight, this kid on his bike stopped at the end of the sidewalk as my mom and I descended toward the street. 
He looks at me and says “Do you go to my school?”
He is like, SIX.
Child, I am TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD, no, I most certainly do not go to your school, though I did more-and-less than TWO DECADES ago.  

I am used to people thinking I look younger than I am, but this is a little extreme.

And now I have a headache. I would say it was from the sheer confusion about this child’s question, but honestly, I’ve had it off and on since this morning, so it’s perhaps best that I stop writing (not that it will probably help.)

ADHD/LD Awareness Month / life

recap saturday: moments from this week [07/31]

• by kerri

Doing a Recap Saturday is kind of weird as I am a Monday-to-Sunday week type of girl, in rebellion from the calendar (it pleases me that a Monday-to-Sunday week is an option in the Calendars 5 app), but hey, whatever. 
Also my laptop is at 10% and my charger is at home so that is not conducive to getting any blog posts up on time. Whoops.

Here are some pictures and stories from my week, most of which have nothing to do with ADHD (and also probably everything to do with ADHD?)

Sunday – October 1st.

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I love Fall. The cabin in the Fall is even lovelier than both Fall and the cabin normally are.

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The spare tire for the trailer makes a good cup holder for day-old Starbucks, apparently.

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And then as we were just packing up to go home, it began to rain. So, good timing minus the fact that I stood in the rain awhile before I gave up and got in the car as my mom and aunt were trying to fix the shed door. 

Monday, October 2.

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I made a cardboard aquarium for the kids at work today. Except only the 3 year old was interested at all—as usual! I commented to the kids mom that I was sure I’d randomly find a tube of glitter in my pocket later in the day. Sure enough, it was during a Government Relations conference call… Yes, I am a professional clearly.

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Getting back in coaching mode, doing a free Coaches Week National Coaching Certification Program module. And, um, excuse me for wanting to make the Learning to Train phase for 8-12 year old kids fun.

Tuesday, October 3

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Went to my aunt and uncle’s for my uncle’s birthday. Or his birthday cake, as his birthday was Sunday. Almost two-year-old Mila was sharing toys with all of us. I got this beaver, which was appropriately Canadian.

Wednesday, October 4

Snapseed.jpg

Remember that time I went for a flu shot and a Slurpee? Yeah, that day.

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And then my mom was not answering either of her phones and I had academic type questions, so I sent her tis meme of Mr. Y U NO.

Thursday, October 5

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I’ve been watching far too much Lockup, not gonna lie. As soon as Lockup: Disturbing the Peace was on Netflix binge watching ensued.

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C-Pen video? Check. Finally.

Friday, October 6

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When you accidentally take a photo instead of hitting the record button—and it’s not actually terrible.

Saturday, October 7

Fascinating things found at Safeway:

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And left unpurchased.

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This milk is very safe. And hard to open.

health + fitness / life

even stumbling is moving forward

• by kerri

I spent a good quarter of my time in university learning about how you shouldn’t make too many life changes at once. (I spent another quarter in anatomy or stressing out about anatomy, another quarter dropping classes possibly due to the unknown learning disability and ADHD, and the last quarter probably actually “focused”. This is not an accurate, nor mathematical, representation of university for me.) Yet, here I am, doing just that, because FULL SPEED AHEAD is the only way I know how to go.

So here I am. 13 days into logging with MyFitnessPal. That is nearly TWO WEEKS people, that’s an accomplishment.
I’ve opened up the Coach.Me app again last night and set up some goal in there—go for a walk twice a week, exercise three days a week, meditate daily, pray daily, and write a blog post [here] weekly (hi!). 

And today, I went for a walk. Just to the mailbox, to send a letter to my Member of Parliament. Have I mentioned I’ve gotten all politically engaged since we last spoke in depth? This is not actually a byproduct of that but still, could be why I was more interested in the Asthma Society’s Hill Day stuff in the end. Honestly, it’s a wonder to me that given the state of this world and our neighbours to the south, how the eff people can ignore this! I digress (but likely not forever, and would be happy to grab a [decaf] [not-]coffee with you and discuss. And also I am thinking about going back to school to do political science and no I don’t actually know what’s currently wrong with me.)

This is not significant. The walk, I mean. It was hot (27-feels-like-29 and heat and I are not friends—my lungs and my whole body) and slow and except whatever I GOT OUT THERE.

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Because here’s the thing. I have to start all over again. And so I am. I downloaded some bodyweight exercise app to my phone even. I’m LOOKING AT my Fitbit. Quantified self is one of those things that’s sort of engrained in my being one way or another so I need to USE that data. 

If a slow, 17 minute walk is all I get, guess what? It’s better than nothing.
If a three minute meditation before I go to sleep is all I do, guess what? I’ve started.
If prayer is a jumbled mess of words or a poem or “hey Jesus”? Yeah, my God knows where I’m at, even before I do.
If I don’t eat with any semblance of decency (or even if I’m closer than I usually am but still totally imperfect) but I am at least mindful of that, guess what? I’m one step closer.
If I start to write a blog post and I write “Listening to my body. Means. Going to sleep. Instead of writing.” and close my laptop, yes, I have figured something out. At least this time.
And if I admit all of this to you in a blog post? I’ve written the blog post. And hopefully, you’ll join me in stumbling towards those goals you think are too big, too hard, the things you think you’ll be imperfect at. Feel free to join me in the imperfection, learning the things they can’t teach in school.

Or at least watch along—because even stumbling is moving forward. 

adventures / health advocacy / life / mindfulness / on the road

hello, there. again.

• by kerri

It’s been months, literally months since I’ve written here. Probably because I’m writing other places on the internet. So here I am, wrapping up May after I haven’t written since January 30th. I have half written posts around on adventures since then, and words that have been published elsewhere (aka asthma.net). And some things that’ll never see the internet, shitty circumstances where I was somewhat stabbed in the back where I’d trusted someone and then had to clean up a mess they made–which was even more mentally time consuming than physically time consuming (if that’s even a way to explain time, in a physical sense). 

March, April, May even have involved airplanes and time invested and spent and wasted and given. 

I’ve gotten really sucked into podcasts which take more time than I realize–and I am smarter if not necessarily better for it. I’m thinking of going back to school and taking, no word of a lie, political science, even though prior to six or so months ago I had no interest in politics although I’ve been strong on voting since I could vote. At the start of May I was in Ottawa for World Asthma Day, in April, I was in Palo Alto to present at Stanford Medicine X | ED, and in March, I was in St Louis, Chicago, Washington DC, Philadelphia and Toronto on a whirlwind adventure that happened t settle around two conferences.  

Here are some (a lot, but only a sample) pictures.

[Also I can’t figure out what I’m doing so to see the flickr album if it doesn’t load, click here.]

Not to say there wasn’t more.

There surely was.

But without writing everything down–whether here or in a journal–I’m living through Facebook and instagram and Twitter and a camera, and being in the moment, but maybe not translating that into reconstructable memories as readily. And maybe that’s okay but I think maybe I want that to change too. 

So here I am again.
Back.
Hopefully more intentionally. (Therapy.)

Because I’m getting closer–checking my Fitbit, logging nutrition with myfitnesspal (for five days now), and I actually rode the stationary bike the other day.
Now I’m writing.
Next is meditation.

Getting back to who I really am. And some (small bit of) routine.